Update on service an stuff....

Parking

There are two public pay parking structures and limited street pay parking in the area. The parking structures are located at:

13th Street and Lime Street

12th Street and Lemon Street

Condolences and Donations

In lieu of flowers, the Botkin family is requesting donations be made to the Eric Botkin Memorial Fund. This benevolent fund will provide assistance to City of Riverside Fire Department families experiencing hardships due to serious line-of-duty injuries or illnesses. Donations may be sent to:

The Eric Botkin Memorial Fund

c/o Riverside City Firefighters Association

PO Box 7817

Riverside, CA 92513-7817

Checks may be made payable to RCFA, with a note in the memo section of "Eric Botkin Memorial Fund".

The Funeral Information

The services are set for Wednesday, January 6th, 2010 at 11:00 am. The procession will begin at 10:30. Parking is being worked on and I will get more info out at I learn more. The fire department is handling everything with help from my mom. Eric had the reverse flag ceremony this morning and is being cremated right now. The fire department will take his ashes back to his fire station where he will stay until the day of the service.

If you are coming from out of town and want to stay by the house I have a block of rooms at the Hampton Inn, the reservation is under Botkin.

28190 Jefferson Avenue, Temecula, California, USA 92590

Tel:951-506-2331 Fax:951-506-2332

Also in lue of flowers I am setting up a memorial fund with The City of Riverside Fire Department in Eric's name. I will get that info to you as soon as possible.

Church:

St Francis De Sales Catholic

4268 Lime Street

Riverside, CA 92501-3820

(951) 686-4004

www.stfrancisdesales

Reception Hall

The Grove Community Church

-19900 Grove Community Dr.

Riverside, CA 92508

(951) 571-9090 http://thegrove.cc/

Great Sadness!!

Eric Carl Botkin

4-11-68 to 12-27-2009

Fought a tough fight against cancer

Passes away peacefully surrounded by family and friends

10:30 pm

Unhappy Birthday!

Well as some of you know it is my 40th birthday today. I never thought that I would be going though something like this in my life let alone on my 40th birthday. Growing up my mom always made sure my birthday was special because it was so close to Christmas. As I sit to write this blog I wonder how the next 40 years could ever be special as I watch my husband die on my birthday. As we sit by his side, counting the seconds between breaths, watching his labored breathing and checking to see if he is warm enough. We have discussed things that I never thought I would have to discuss especially on my birthday. A representative is here from the Riverside fire (he happens to be a friend) in case he passes, they will be with him from now on. Everything is happening and I wish I could just hit pause.....

I think he will make it though the night but I will post as soon as I can. I know some of you are thinking ,she does not have to do this but for me it is a way to express myself and to give critical updates.

Love,

Hallie

A day I was not wanting....

It is with great sadness that I post this update.....Last night Eric took a turn for the worst. He did not do very well on Christmas day...refusing to eat or take any pills. About 12am (the 26th) I had to call the hospice nurse and ask for some morphine and anti-anxiety medicine. His pain was so bad and his restlessness that he was moaning and rolling around in agony. He just does not setting into a peaceful place. I have been consistent with the medicine every 2 hours and so far it seems that he starts to get very restless just about the 2 hour mark. I knew this day would come but like everyone else I was hoping that it would never make it.

Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts.....Eric is surrounded by love and we ask for continued prayers for Eric to have peace and rest.

It's been a few days....

Well I know the last post was a few days ago and some gentle reminding about this makes me come to the blog today to update and fill people in on the going's on in the Botkin house hold.

Eric-Well he continues to eat so this is a good sign. He sleeps most of the day, and likes me to be with him when I am home and really does not want me to leave the house. It makes him irritable . He is having more difficulty communicating which can be a challenge for me but almost impossible for anyone else. It seems as if he gets more restless in the evening hours so this makes it hard for me because I know this is not a good sign. He does not want to bathe, take his pills or do any kind of moving so it is a challenge to get him to do any of this. A little tough love from me or his sister gets him on the move. He often tells me no! no! no! but I really never listen anyhow so now is no different. I am feeling that he continues to decline but for today I believe that he is still fighting to be here and get though the holiday's.

Hunter- Well Hunter is on break from school for 2 week and is ready for Santa to visit. (hoping for one more year at least with that one). He is excited for Christmas even though we all this drama at home. I will have to say that it seems Hunter is handling all of this pretty well. He is a great kid and we are so lucky to have him.

Me-I have finished all the Christmas shopping and wrapping. Hunter was easy to shop for but as you can imagine Eric was a bit difficult. I took Hunter to the movies today and we saw Blindside. It was a great movie and nice to get out for a few hours. Eric was mad but it is also important that Hunter have some mommy time also. I have been wanting to see the movie and I am glad I did. So now it is time to get ready for Christmas.......

On a final note......I'm sure it is unimaginable having to go though the Christmas holiday with Eric being so sick. On one hand it is just awful but as I was thinking about the situation I realized that God has worked a miracle for us and for me. If Eric was in the situation any other time of the year I would be sitting here in our bedroom unable to leave just waiting for him to die. I know that sounds awful......but since Christmas is here and we have a ten year old it is a little difficult not to celebrate the holiday. Even though it just won't be the same I am excited because Hunter is excited. Today he received a letter from Santa and his eyes sparkled. This sparkle is what is helping me get though the holiday season. So please remember us on this very important day but celebrate the gift of Jesus and live though the sparkle of a child's eyes.

One more final note.....the picture that you see at the top of the blog is a charcoal drawing done by a friend of mine. I have attached her website.....her work is fantastic and her husband is the photographer who did our pictures. Such a blessing to have a piece of art like this a memory that will be forever treasured.

www.charcoalsbydawnmarie.com

Dawn Reza and Jim....

God bless & Merry Christmas,

Hallie

I hate this....

I just hate this....I hate.....

.....telling people that Eric is not doing well

.....that Eric may not be aware of Christmas or my 40th Birthday

.....that I have to plan a funeral

.....that Eric will not be here for all the important events in Hunter's life

.....that his family lives in Arizona

.... that I did not feel like putting up ALL my Christmas decorations

..... that things are different

.....that Eric is not in our bed

.....that Eric is not getting out of bed

.....that people don't know what to say

.....that I have gained a lot of weight and just keep eating

.....that people make excuses for my weight gain because of the situation

.....that I have a 10 year old that may or may not understand the situation even though we have talked to him the whole time

.....that Hunter and I will never get to vacation with Eric again

.....that I have to think about a funeral

.....that the word funeral has the word FUN in it ...Really

.....that I have to be strong even when I don't want to be

....and that people tell me it's ok to cry......as if I don't know this

.....that we will never get to play rock band or guitar hero until midnight anymore

.....that Eric is not doing well and getting worse each day

.....that we can't go to the movies as a family together

.....that Disneyland will just not be the same with out Eric

.....that I have to live without Eric

.....that weird things make me cry especially in stores

.....that Eric will never get to see Burn Notice,Iron Chief America, or baseball games again

.....that we can't laugh for no reason

.....that Eric won't be here for me to complain to about anything

.....and that he can't give me advice

.....that I have to take care of the finances

.....that people feel sorry for me

.....that Eric will not be there to guide Hunter though all his man moments

.....that Eric would be able to watch hunter play baseball

.....that people tell me that Eric will always be here in spirit....it's just not the same

.....finally that Eric is dying and I can't fix it........

Another Day....

I just wanted put put up a quick update about Eric and the going's on in the Botkin house. First off you can imagine the calls and visitors, it is nice to have so much support during this difficult time. Eric continues to fight each day with faith and a sense of humor, so sarcastic even when he fills yucky. He continues to make me laugh which of course helps me get though the day. No big changes in his condition except I found out today after 17 years of being married that he likes his feet massaged.....who know! Well maybe that's too much info.....Anyhow Hunter is finishing his last few days at school and getting ready to be off for 2 weeks. I hope Santa is good to him, he has way to much energy to not be busy when not in school. He can run circles around the best of us..... I have almost finished our Christmas cards.....what a job. I send 100+ cards out each year and it gets bigger each year. I should be finished soon and can check another thing off the to do list.

Finally I wanted to say great job to my students @ CHS for their beautiful chorus performance. I was able to sneak out for a few hours and I enjoyed watching them in all their glory. The standing "O" was fantastic and they all made me proud!

On the lighter side...

Another reason the crank bed is no good....When Eric drops his toast and it falls onto the far side of the bed....I can raise the bed (automatically) so that our big dog Cece can clean up the fallen food. If I had to hand crank the bed Cece would still be staring at the toast.

Family and Friends

Well it has been fun weekend with family and friends. First we celebrated Christmas with Eric's mom and family on Saturday (a usual tradition for us) and had lots of laughs while enjoying each others company. I am so blessed to have an in-law family that I enjoy spending time with. It certainly would make a difficult situation more stressful if we had troubled relations. Anyhow, it was great to share stories and memories of the past and we all had a few laughs. Eric was in good form for the festivities so it made the celebration all the better. Although I guess it really wore him out because he slept most of today which is a downer. He was so tired that he did not eat as well as I would have liked although he did eat the BIG bowl of ice cream which is his favorite part of the day.

As you can see from the picture Eric had a few visitors today. His friends from Fountain Valley High School. Neil from Washington, Mark and Scott from the O.C. (Dan also from Washington could not make it ). Eric was resting his eyes for most of the visit but as they reminisced of the good old days Eric would often sit up and laugh. It is so funny to see these men get together and enjoy each other as if they just got out of high school. Of course since I have been in Eric's life since the good old days I am familiar with the stories and the comedy that this group brings when they are together. It is not often that you have a group of male friends that stay together and continue to be friends some 20 years later. They truly are an awesome group of friends. Unfortunately it was probably the last time they will get together with Eric. For me the hardest part of the visit was the good bye because I felt as if I was saying goodbye to my friends also. Of course I know that these friends will continue to be in mine and Hunter's life later it just brought up emotions that I have not thought about as of yet. Eric's friends are really saying good forever not just until next time. Hope I did not make everyone cry.....but it was something that just needed to be said out loud.

Up's and Down's

So it has been two days since I last posted something and each time I put something up I really want it to be that a miracle has occurred and Eric is on the way to recovery. Unfortunately that is not the case, Eric continues to decline, he is weaker by the day, eating less, communicating less and tonight he has moved into the hospital bed. I am not sure why he moved into the bed but it does not seem like a good thing. I have prepared myself for this moment but I was hoping that it would not be so soon. It is interesting to watch him go though this process, I have noticed a few things so just bare with me as I have not verbalized this before. 1st as I watch Eric's health decline it is almost as if he is reverting back to being a baby. Is this what it is like for anyone who goes though a health issue like this? He stopped walking, eating is a challenge, rest rooming issues, bathing ect. It is almost like a reversal of birth and living. Secondly I wonder if we innately prepare to die. Do we start to do things to prepare others or ourselves for the day. If anyone has ever had an animal get sick and die there is a process and it is as if they and you know what is happening. As I watch Eric it seems as if he is beginning to do things (like leaving our bed) to prepare me for what is to come. If nothing else it is yet another thing to think about and again something I never thought I would ever have to ponder.

The new bed...

So we did get the new bed and it is much better than the first. (I will load pictures later) We decided thanks to all your help and information and of course Eric's wishes to put the bed upstairs. He is not currently using the bed and still feels comfortable in our bed so that is where he will stay until the time comes to have him in the hospital bed. I bought a small tree for the room and have converted it into a bedroom/family room/study room and have decorated it with a few Christmas items. It looks pretty good and it is clean!

Eric is doing about the same...sleeps alot but is still eating and drinking. He is able to socialize with visitors and just shuts his eyes if he gets tired. He told me today that he is just trying to make it until January 1, 2010. He knows his time is near and tells me that by holding up his finger and looking to the sky. I am not sure what he is looking at but he just says "not today but its getting close, maybe tomorrow". He also told my friend that he will see them on the other side but that he could not take them and they would just have to fight it our here. Although I can say this now (who knows about later)...There is some comfort in the fact that he is ready to go and knows that we will be ok here on earth. I am sure his faith in God and mine is what allows us to have the strength to get though. (remember I said it is easier to say this now and who know about later.)

Ok the bed is here!

So the hospital bed finally arrived....I am not sure what hospital and what time period they stole the bed from but it is certainly not the hospital bed that he had at the City of Hope. Well we will have to see if this is the normal protocol. I don't know maybe people have never complained about the beds before but REALLY!!!! I guess they have never meet me before. I will keep you posted on the 1950 bed. So that being said once I find out about the bed situation I will have to move him down stairs. Once he is downstairs I know that he will never go upstairs again.....never sleep in our bed, never take a shower, never put his clothes on the floor and never complain that the 90 lbs puppy is on his feet. How do I move him downstairs? Is it really the right thing to do? Should I leave him upstairs but have him in the hospital bed? So many questions I hope that I can find the answer soon. That being said if anyone has any suggestions feel free to let me know.

Love,

Hallie

PS I have added picts of the bed...

What to say?

Well I am sure that everyone wants updates but honestly I just don't know what to say.....Each day is a little harder for Eric and a little harder for me. To see the man you love become weaker each day is truly the worst thing that I have ever had to see. Eric spends about 80% of his day in bed sleeping, he needs help with all daily living skills except eating and he talks very little. Although he does still continue to make us laugh when he does say something. I think for the moment I am just getting by each day, going though the motions. I wish that I was as strong as Eric and had the same positive attitude but it seems almost impossible right now. As for Hunter he seems to be doing pretty good all things considered. He is a little more active than normal which for those of you who know him are probably wondering how that is possible but just to let you know it is. His teacher thinks that is the way for him to release his emotions and I tend to agree. Unfortunately Eric can't deal well with the commotion and energy and the rest of the family is sad so it makes it a bit more difficult for Hunter.

The pictures that I have posted are the finished pictures from the pillows that we made. They turned out just beautiful and we are so lucky to have them.

Not so Good......

As I sit down to write the blog tonight I am not sure what to say, how do I tell people that the person who fills my life with joy is truly fighting for his life. This is the most difficult thing I have had to do so far and I am sure that in the future more difficult things are to come. We saw the Dr. today and she said the tumor seems to be winning and that the last chemo did not do it's job. At this point there is nothing else she is able to offer him and she felt it was time to call hospice. Eric's health has steadily been declining over the past few weeks. He needs help with everything, he is weaker everyday, he can't see out of his left eye and he is tired and tired of working so hard at living. How difficult it must be for him to have to come to this place. We are going to increase his steroid in hope that it will give him some of his abilities back by taking down the pressure and we are going to continue living our life in the moment.

Thank you for your continued support, prayers and words of encouragement it means the most to us and we could not get thought this without all of you and of course our faith in God and knowing that we are truly in His hand.

Love and God Bless,

Hallie

Friendship and Thanksgiving

"May there always be work for your hands to do, may your purse always hold a coin or two. May the sun always shine on your windowpane, may a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you, may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you."

- Irish Blessing

Eric and I are so blessed to have such a great family but today I want to talk about our friends. We a truly blessed and thankful to have the support of our friends that are in our lives. As you go though life you cross paths with many different people some will stay and others will go. My dad always said if you can count your friends on one hand than you were lucky.....I guess Eric and I are super lucky than. Over the last 2 years not only have we continued to have friends that we have known for a long time we have developed new friendships. These friendships have help sustain us though these very difficult times. The kind words, words of encouragement and faith and sometimes just the hugs have made us smile on the most difficult days. Today I just wanted to say thank you for all that you do for us. We are so lucky to have more friends than we could ever count on our hands!

Now on to Thanksgiving.....we had a wonderful time with famliy 22 in all (and 6 dogs) at our house. Eric was a good sport and did very well with all the commotion. He rested when needed and this helped him get thought the day. The food was wonderful and the company was better. Everybody brought something and helped the day go smoothly. I hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving as well!

Finally, Eric continues to be about the same, no big changes on the health front. As the weeks have past he is more tired, and a little more weak. The tumor by his left eye continues to put more pressure on his eye making it difficult to see. He seems to have pain if he has a lot of sensory input (ie. Thanksgiving) but it passes. He is moving a little slower and needs more help around the house. If we get up and do things in the morning than he feels pretty good but once at home he gets very tired. Eric has commented on how hard this is and how hard the fight is right now. He is fighting to be here for Christmas and and my birthday so continue with the words of encouragement and the prayers. I know it is what gets me through and he needs it more now than ever.

Love and God Bless,

Hallie

P.S. This is one of the pictures that we took last week.

Some much to tell....

OK OK......I know it has been a week without anything and it can be hard without an idea of what has been going on so here it goes......

1st- Update on Eric's condition-It seems as if the chemo may have slowed things down for a brief time. Eric had been about the same as far as movement, language, pain ect. Although over the last few days there have a few changes that have me a bit concerned, nothing drastic but changed nonetheless. He is having more pain in his right eye and having to take more pain medication, he is also having more difficulty seeing out of that eye. His words are more jumbled and when trying to tell me something it is very difficult for him to communicate. As he stated it sometimes I have words and sometimes I don't...It just sucks! He has been more sleepy and slow all around. I suppose things that I have expected but hoping for a longer delay. Although he still has a sense of humor because when I say something like I don't think things are going that well he says "What?" and gives me the thumbs up with his bad hand. Always the comedian!

2nd-On to the fun stuff...Disneyland! We went to the happiest place on earth and stayed at the Grand Californian (Eric has always wanted to stay there). I had the room decorated and surprised the boys it was wonderful. Eric wanted to see the Christmas lights and to spend time with family and we did just that. It was great for all, Eric's sister April and niece Morgan were there to help out and go on the big rides with Hunter and Eric and I enjoyed the people watching. I think the best time other than the room surprise was watching Fantasmic. Thanks to a Disney cast member we had a view of a life time, she put us in the dream makers sections and it was a dream. Of course I also enjoyed the "snowing" but Eric not so much.

3rd- On Thursday we all went to the City of Hope to work on a memory pillow with the family. Hunter missed another day of school as well as Morgan our niece. They have this really nice program for kids to make something with their sick family member and Morgan, Hunter and Eric made hand print pillow cases. It was a wonderful experience and everyone is so happy to have had the opportunity to make these sentimental pillows. As soon as they are finished I will post a picture of the pillow, they are beautiful. When you look at our family pillow you will notice that Eric, Hunter and my hand print makes a heart. I ask the gal if she had seen that before and she said "no" I guess it just goes to show how much love the 3 of us have and how connected we are.

I leave you with a request for continued prayers of strength and a miracle for miraculous healing. Each day that passes is truly a gift but a miracle would be the best gift of all.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31

All You Can Do....

All you can do is all you can do and all you can do is enough.

Art Williams

Today I start the blog with a quote from Art Williams, it seems to be the quote if the week. Eric continues to have struggles with the movement of his right side and his language, although he is able to get out this quote and continues to live by it. Each day is a challenge for Eric but each day he comes to the challenge ready to do all he can and all he can do is just enough.

So a little update...Eric as mentioned continues to have right side weakness and difficulty speaking. He is able to communicate verbally it just takes him time to get out his thoughts and he needs to go slow. He is not having too much pain it seems only once in a while he needs to take another pain pill. Eric's appetite is hardy due to the steroids he is on for the swelling and he is a little more tired than usual. He continues to have a great sense of humor and continues to make us laugh.

As some of you know Eric's little sister has been with us the last week. It has been nice to have her here to help me and to help Eric. I think it was also important for her to be here for her big brother. Unfortunately back to Arizona she goes but it has been great while she was here. Eric's mom, dad, step mom, uncle, aunt, sister and niece were also here to spend a nice Saturday and Eric enjoyed all the laughter.

Now for us a little family get-a-way to the happiest place on earth........I will fill everyone in when we return.

God Bless and have a wonderful Saturday

Hope, Faith and Thanks.....

As I chat with others about the situation and we talk of Eric and his continued hope, faith and thanks for all the God has given him it was bought to my attention that throughout his blog he has always talked of hope, faith and thanks. Even during this most difficult time he continues to hope for a miracle, has a faith that whatever is to happen is His will and is thankful for everything and everyone. It makes me proud to be his wife and know that he is the man that he is! Anyhow I just wanted everyone to know that even though he has difficulty talking nothing has changed in his spirit, beliefs and hopes.


Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
Christopher Reeve

News from the home front....

Well it is Sunday and we have had a nice weekend.....Eric and I even had some alone time thanks to my parents. Eric is doing well, is able to communicate with me and a little to others.. His right side is not working well but he is a trooper and doing the best he can. He continues to have a feisty spirit and strong will! So it seems as if things are status quo for now....just the way we like it!

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

THIS SUCKS!

From the mouth of Eric.......THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!!!! I really don't think much else needs to be said!

News...Update...& Continued Prayers!

Well I know that it has been a few weeks since Eric has lasted posted anything and it has been a very difficult few weeks here at the Botkin house. As you have figured out Eric is not writing this but his soul mate and life long partner Hallie. It has been difficult for me to come into the computer room and sit down and get the info that needs to be given. Eric finally told me tonight that he really needed something put on since it has been such a long time. I want to give everyone all the info so I will try and be as descriptive as possible to help answer questions that everyone will certainly have after this posting. So here goes.....

• Oct 20th-Eric finds out that the tumor is back...not a good sign
• Oct 21st-I talk to the Dr. and decide it is time for me to stay home(not working) an be with Eric, spending time and maybe a trip or 2 with the family.
• Oct 22nd-Eric spoke with Neuro-surgeon and he said that surgery was not an option
• Oct 24th-Eric had a seizure, droopy face can's talk.....last about 1 hour
• Oct 25th Eric had 3 more seizures...same as Saturdays
• Oct 26th- Eric woke up and can't talk at all...everything comes out wrong does not get better.
• Oct 27th- increase medicine so swelling decreases..improved speech
• Oct 27-30th- no changes in health..except talking more...meet with Dr. on Oct 29th....had new chemo.
• Oct 31st-Eric woke up and the right side of his face was droopy.....can talk very well, or chew his food.
• Nov 1st-Less speech, sleeping all day..not himself at all!
• Nov 2nd- about the same...had to give a little tough love...
• Nov 3rd (Today)- Woke up took a shower! talking to me more....to his mom a bit more...has trouble talking but is part of the conversation and interested in what is happening.

So as you can see things have changed almost daily. The Dr. tells Eric that she is not giving up but that we are at the end of our choices and there is not much else we can do if this chemo does not work. She has asked him some hard hitting questions and it has been a very emotional week for everyone. I ended up with strep throat and was out for a few days and Hunter by far seems to be doing the best in all of this. I am not sure were this leaves us other than in His hands. Eric's spirit seems to better today and so is his speech, it could have been the chemo that made everything crazy or it could be something else. All I know is that we will continue to hope and pray for a miracle and know that whatever happens it is in God's hands. So I leave you with this......

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries, today's trouble is enough for today."

Matthew 6:34

PS....I want to thank both our mothers for all there help over the last few days....I don't know I would have made it all happen without there support, love and help with the man (AKA Hunter).

Now Way!!!!

Hey Everyone! Life is so funny. I know that some of you may now know it yet, but indeed, life is funny. I had just typed about the best day that I had for quite some time by just sharing with all my brothers an sisters, and now this. Over the last couple of days I had determined that the pain in my eye had moved from a little, to alot, to it never stops. Hoping that it would just go away, I waited a few days to find that my eye always hurt now with pain moving between a 3 to 7, never going away. I called my amazing Dr. and she said come in today and lets see what is going on in that head of yours. Well I have just arrived home with the news that the tumor thing in my head is bigger. Bigger to be a big challenge. I will have to wait to talk to the surgeon doctor to see if it is removable, but some are acting as if this may not be the case. Pretty overwhelming how I got to have a great moment last week offering my thanks to all my brothers and sisters and then thrown to start over in the amazing Eric Botkin issues. Pretty crazy. Well I am sure that I will have more leading us the the new solution, but I just wanted to share. Please don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy to still be here. While I am ready to keep working, I thought this little story was funny as nothing ever seems to go the way you have planned. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as it seems this battle is going to get a bit harder.
God Bless

What an Awsome Day!!

Hey Everyone! First, I just wanted to apologize to everyone as I was mostly feeling really poor with my 2nd 6-week chemo plan. While I am not really sure how it is all working, I am still very happy for God to allow me to continue to be here. Hopefully it will go great again like last time, but we won't know until early November to be sure.

Today I wanted to tell everyone that occasionally you live your life greatly as you are blessed with another opportunity. One of those moments comes when you have the control and get to surprise everyone else. Whether it is a big deal or not, it is the moment of being the person that has been allowed to deliver a little something that will let everyone know you care. Today, it was me, the crazy brain cancer dude that got to deliver a little something and really enjoy the moment. I had taken on a great, and very long adventure with my old fire department, City of Riverside. I spent the day with Hallie and surprised my previous crews. We traveled to all the fire stations and dropped off a little something to say thanks for being a great group. I was very excited to be able to do this because the reality of it all is that some day in my life I would need to ask my brothers and sisters for more help. But today it was great to let them all know that I really have appreciated all their help. Thanks again, to all my amazing brothers and sisters of the City of Riverside. I do miss being their alot, but want you to all know that I really appreciate your help.

Lastly I needed to take another moment and say thanks to an amazing woman. My friend at the See's Candy here in Temecula she is AWESOME!! When I was there to look for a great item, she came over and really allowed me to pick out what I needed to be the best gift. There are many people in our work today that do alot of stuff, but very few move beyond the stuff and work with fantasticness (I know that fantasticness is wrong, but she was fantastic). So after a great long day of sharing with everyone, now I am ready for a long winter's nap, or something like that.

Take care everyone and God Bless.

Sickness Is In, Then Out, and Then In?

www.helpericbotkin.com

Hey Everyone! Well what a crazy time here at the Botkin home. After just happening to come off the gentle family sickness, I got the fantastic crud that comes with my six week chemo pills. I had just gotten over a little cold that Hunter was sharing with the family. I started on the chemo pills stuff last Monday. I took the super pills, wasted two days trying to see how I was doing, and I was very good. Then it hit me and boy did I feel bad! 1st the sickness and then the chemo sickness. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Well now I an happy to tell everyone that I feel much better. I'm not officially feeling like a million bucks, but really starting to return to Eric. It is very funny or even bizarre how you take these pills and have challenges, then you take another set of pills and they help you and actually make you feel better. While I don't understand many of these things, all I can really tell you all is that I am very happy to still be here with you. I know that my issues are growing as I am starting to have more challenges with peoples names and many easy words are missing while I'm having a nice chat. Again I must share with you that I am glad that God has still allowed me to be here and share my time with everyone. Thank you.

Everyone is Sick?

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Hey Everyone. Hope your weekend was going much better for you than for us. We had a problem with Hunter, a problem with me and lastly a problem with Hallie. And it is all from the same bad sickness thing. The totally funny part is that Hunter got a terrible cough for 2 days, no flu, then it was given to me. I enjoyed two days of terrible nose pain, you know, that horrible crud running out of your nose whether you want to blow it or not. And finally Hallie with a throat pain that comes along with swallowing all that nose crap down the sore throat. FUN!! Well we are all almost back into the swing of things which is great as I will start another 6 week chemo tonight. Getting ready for the second version of "I'm not really sure how to prepare for this" medication set-up. But we all must continue do that which will keep us going forward. And again, I am VERY excited to still be able to be here with my family, friends and everyone else. I wanted to end this with something great, but you know what, after all that overwhelming crap and all the time felt working with the family, I got nothing. I mean I really wanted to think of something great, but honestly I an just happy to think after all that nose crud. So all I can really say is God Bless.

More Good Times....

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Hey Everyone. First before I get to any of my stuff, I hope that everyone was able to take a few minutes and think again over the 9/11 incident. It is continually amazing that the United States was able to be given such an unbelievable event. To have lost so many people who were never actually involved with the daily protection of our country is still unbelievable for me. I specifically remember riding back from a nothing call that morning and was told to check the TV when we arrived back at Station 12. Incredible. Anyway I got returned for a NEW MRI with a good condition. The old MRI uses 1.5 something or other to do the testing, and now I have been moved up to the new MRI that uses 3.0 something or other. Incredible to lie in the new one after being in the old one for the last 24 times was pretty incredible. I had several "wow" moments as it was a super test. Anyway again my tumor looked to be exactly the same with no significant changes so I will be on track for another 6 week pill just as soon as my blood returns to normal. My platelets were able to return to normal, but the white blood cells are still very low. Hopefully they will be better soon so that I can get on with my chemo.

Crazy week...Again?

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Hey Everyone. Sheesh, what an amazing week for the Botkin family. A man goes to the hospital, a boy goes to the emergency room and a woman with shingles, but the most amazing part is that Hallie and I were totally healthy last week. Now even though we were feeling good, we were very busy trying to help all of the family members who were having "issues". Even though we were really placed into some funny and stressful areas, we are happy to say that Hallie's dad is recovered and doing well, Hallie's mom is working hard to drop some germs, and Hunter absolutely does NOT have chicken pox, even though we thought he did. So a wonderfully busy week was to be filled with an equally wonderful, slow, and relaxing Labor Day, or that was what I thought. Well as you with kids all know every two - three years you decide that the toy room for your child needs some changes. The problem begins when your child starts taking on so many NEW toys that you begin to stop finding all that previous room. Well that was today's plan. OH MY GOD. Hunter's room hadn't been cleaned for about 2 years and there is a closet in that room, which over the last 6 years has become the convenient "crap" room. It is always funny how the easy clean up plans are "changed" two or three times before finding the correct solution. I am sure that none of my friends know what it is like to want a project to be started and finish in the same day, but I am happy to say that it looks nice. Aaa, another beautiful day in the cleaning moments. Now I am very confused as I have watched many shows on DIY and they are very quick, work with incredible help, and finish is with a burst of joy. I wish I could say this was the same for me I guess you can't believe everything on T.V. Well again I am very happy that we are done and it looks great. It is always interesting to sit back and look at the way it was all done to find those moments that were awesome and those that should have been done differently. The wife and I worked great together and we were hoping that the boy would pitch in. As it turns out he is just another 10 year old boy....I got all pissy with him for not being helpful and the reality is that he is ten! I know that if I keep on him and try to make him responsible and have pride in what he does and owns, someday he will be the same little boy who knows that his father loves him even if he has high expectations of who he should be and what he should do.

The 100th Post

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Hey Everyone! Well first, the amazing 100th post is pretty incredible. I had never thought that I would be the person to sit and type 100 different things about life. Blogs were always meant to be generated by awesome individuals who could write many stories for their folks, and here I have been placed on the same pile as them. Simply unbelievable. To those of you who are here for their first time I would say to go back in years and months and see some of the previous posts, and to those of you who have come many times all I can say is thank you. Thank you for keeping the blog important for me. You have been really great to allow me to continuously type thoughts, ideas and amazing things. OK, shifting, I went to get my blood checked yesterday and found that the white blood cells were still OK, and my platelets were getting very low. They said I was at 39 (thousand) and if I get to 20 we will be giving me some extra platelet medicine. I also got to talk to the doctor about my lost Tuesday and how it might have happened. I was interested that she said I don't know. Well I believe in her alot so we keep marching on. I also wanted to tell everyone that today the 29th of August is Hallie and my anniversary. We have been together for so a very long time. It is 17 years of being married or when you count dating it would be 24 years. Pretty incredible to have spent more than half of my life with the most amazing and incredible woman in the world. All I can say is thank you to you Hallie. I love you.

Today is What.... Wednesday!!!

Hey Everyone, Well obviously if you read the blog yesterday you know that I am having an issues. What is weird about my issues is that sometimes I have no memory, be it an event or a day I just can't remember. Interesting HUH! To have the ability to complete something than have no memory of it is both scary and sad. It is an amazing way to have an unknown day where you can do all the events but have no idea of things you will remember. If I looked at this I really hope that my little tumor growing is where this comes from because it can be remove and I can return to normal. I mean think about it to have a great morning with family and or friends and by the afternoon to have no memory of it occurring. Interesting! If you asked me how this could get worse right now I would have to tell you that I don't know. The only thing I know is the God has a reason for everything. So I don't know what the answer is, all I can do is trust in God and know that it is all meant to be. So remember that my name is Eric Botkin!

New Eric info!

Well I guess that when I update everyone knows that something is up and usually it is not the most exciting so here goes the latest on Eric. As of a little yesterday and all today Eric has been having short term memory problems. Can't remember what he ate, where he has been, where Hunter is, or anything that we talk about. I guess it is like he has little seizures or kind of blacks out even though he can function. He feels fine he just does not remember what he has done. I called the Dr. she is on vacation and returns tomorrow....the assistant and triage nurse asked alot of questions and they don't believe that it is anything that would be emergency related (stoke, big seizure, ect) so since the Dr. returns tomorrow they said we should wait to here from the Dr. in the morning unless something changes and then we will need to go to the ER! So I plan to keep his blog updated and this should help answer further questions.
Thanks for your continued prayers!
Hallie

My White Cells are What?

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Hey Everyone! Well today was the first time to go and check how the new chemo was working on me. I must tell you that having another new chemo medicine is not an exciting time. I mean here you are taking another medicine to stop the cancer in your brain from continuing to grow and it can be a difficult challenge. So many new opportunities to have no idea how your body is going to handle this new stuff. And now here I am again. Waiting to see if this thing is doing the right work and still not knowing if is doing something right. Well I am happy to share with all of you that my current chemo is going correctly. Now it is hard to believe that statement since I am pretty much feeling great with this new medicine. It is also easy to remember that I was with chemos that were very difficult for me to just complete. So here is what I was told. 1. My white blood was less than is should be, but it was not yet at a dangerous number. 2. My platelets had been reduced also but was not at a dangerous level either. Now I was told that over the next week before the next test my numbers could continue to drop and that I needed to work to keep them from dropping too low (resting, drinking plenty of water, ect). Yea!! Now I am pretty happy as I really had no idea of what to expect in this new chemo medicine. I am feeling pretty good as I start on week 4 since I took the chemo pill.

Hallie started back to work with all of her standard fun and almost after a week she seems pretty calm and stress free. I will get back to you with more as the year progresses. Hunter is getting ready to start playing soccer again and enjoying his way into the 5th grade. Me, I'm just looking for another quiet day. I know they are on there way soon.

Lastly, I wanted to thank a very special person who I share a unique bond with and who has been there for me before. When someone takes your hand and helps give you strength, love and encouragement, I just wanted to say Thank You!

Back to What?

Hey Everyone! OK several things to get us started this morning. First I just wanted to thank all those who have been to www.helpericbotkin.com as it has been neat to see different people looking at the web site. Whether you are interested or not it has been great to see different people checking out our pictures. Lastly if you could continue to be able to let your friends and family know will give others a chance to see our pictures too.
Next, I am sorry it took a little wile to get back but the six week pill was something else. However I started to feel really normal yesterday and so far, I am feeling pretty normal which is simply fantastic. It is hard to believe that I am on one pill which will last for six weeks, but hopefully chemo pill number #G or #H will do me good before the MRI on 9/10. On a little side know it is so hard for me to hear after 25 MRI's in only 22 months. That machine is so loud even with beautiful yellow things to protect your hearing. I'm sure that I am on a short plan for some ear helping stuff otherwise I won't be able to hear anything.
Lastly we are getting closer to the good or evil schools getting ready to start up for another year. I think both Hallie and Hunter are somehow thinking it is evil, but we all know that time keeps marching on and some things can never be changed. Whether it be me or you, time will always move along and some have to learn that many things are the things that cannot be changed by anyone. All we can do is pull your belt tight and just keep on moving along. So all we can really worry about is today and sometimes a little about tomorrow. Anything after those two days is simply unknown times to be controlled only when they actually arrive.

Whole Bunch of Stuff

Hey Everyone! What a great time last week. As of Thursday, Hunter is now a solid 10 years old. Pretty amazing to sit back and make our first change into double digits. Hunter had a great little week. First, I just want to thank all the incredible people who made it possible and helped us make this an awesome birthday a reality for our little guy. I would really like to have done it all on my own, but we all know that is not going to happen, so thank you again. We (and our niece Morgan) got to see the Padres baseball park, watch an Angel game, spend the night at Hilton, go to California Adventure (right next to Disneyland), and finish the surprises with a great night at the ESPN Zone a place for food and amazing games. Sheesh, that was so much stuff. I know that it was very cool to see his face get surprised as he didn't know any of these awesome events were to be one after another. Well one last day with 8 boys spending the night (yikes) and I will be able to return to being normal human being. Hopefully it all goes great.

Ok, now for the other side. As you all know I have been retired since November 2008, which kind of stinks as I saw some guys last week and I hated not still being able to work and have fun with them. Anyway, I have been able to receive 70% of my retirement funds which is better than nothing but not enough to pay all my bills. I tried to solve this issue with some things, used all our savings, tried to work but that is impossible, and it wouldn't be right to stand on the street looking for money. So what now. This issue has caused me a great amount to stress and concern. So much so that I was having issues with my words, not sleeping and other health related concerns. I know that men are broken into two different styles, those that want to take care of everything and those that want the care of nothing. Well I am unfortunately part of the group that wants to care for everything, even though Hallie would like me to take care of nothing. My want to help everyone and control our family issues finally hit the impossible. What to do financially when there seems to be no way to overcome the challenge. I had reached this point that caused Hallie to start to panic about me and what was wrong with me and my health. I was unable to think of a solution. I wanted to find the answer to our issues, but was trapped not being able to decide or find an answer. Hallie pulled me aside and reminded me that if I just let the stress go God will provide me an answer. Well it came through. An idea came to me one night. Back in 2005 I purchases a ton of books that I really loved and continue to feel very strong about, The ABC's of Making Money 4 Teens. A great book for the teens to have some awesome ideas about controlling money that is not usually given or shared with those teen kids. So I created a web site called http://www.helpericbotkin.com/ and I would really love it if you would check it out. It has my story and all the info about the books. I just want people to see the opportunity. Thanks for your help.

MRI Update......

Hey Everyone! Well today was my special meetings with my Doctors at the City of Hope. Based on some issues that I had been having, my MRI got moved from the seventh of August to today. First, it is simply awesome that you are able to get an MRI and then a few minutes later the whole set of pictures are available to see at any computer, anywhere at the City of Hope. Fantastic. Anyway I got mine done today and the little white spot in my head has gotten bigger over the last 6 weeks. So after almost and hour of talking with my awesome doctor we decided to change gears again. While I am not ready to get all excited about surgery, since number 6 is a little tough to make everything still be correct, we are going to try another different plan. I am off the chemo as it was not stopping my growth and will start taking a chemo pill that I will take one every six weeks. Pretty interesting to start now on a pill that is taken once every 6 weeks as the new thing that will hopefully stop the growth in my head. Interesting. I just wanted to let you all know about my fun Friday. Don't get me wrong, I am still extremely excited to still be here on earth with my family and friends, but sometimes it is a little harder to know how long this joy will be able to continue. While I know that I will be very excited to be in the amazingness of God, I know that it will be a tremendous unhappy time for those that are left here without me.

Today's Gift

Hey Everyone! I just wanted to say what a great time we had at a baby shower with some good friends of ours. It was nice sharing time and fun with many others and as a whole family, not just a cool place for ladies. Anyway I wanted to give my beautiful wife Hallie some tremendous credit over the last couple of days. When I started on this unique life so many months ago it was very easy to only worry about tomorrow, not worrying about the future. Having a great feeling from everyday thanking God for allowing me to be here another day to share with my family, friends, and neighbors. Well as time goes through your life it is very easy to start to fall back to the old ways where you begin to worry about next week, next month, and next year. I had once again returned to be the man who was continuously trying to stop or solve the problems, forgetting that each day is again a great gift from God. I had lost the ability to thank God each day for another opportunity to spend another day with my family. Well it was great for me to have been reminded by Hallie since I had been focusing on the challenge, not the joy of another moment to be spend with the family. The reason that I have brought up the subject was not only to share with you how amazing my wife is by being able to remind me whats important in our lives, but I also had the ability to share it with with another. While being at the baby's shower, I met a woman who was starting to worry about a specific future challenge. I was very surprised that I was able to share with her the same thing that I had been reminded of just a few days ago. Awesome! God had given me the opportunity to take that thing which had just been reminded to me and allow me to share it with someone else. I hope you have not forgotten that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift which is why it is called the present. Just in case you have here is your reminder, live today for today and enjoy each moment, nobody really knows the mystery of tomorrow.

Hmmmmm...

Hey Everyone! Well for those of you who were not sure that I was going to be able to write more often, well forget it! Anyway I am trying a little bit harder than I was previously. I just wanted to share a thought with you all. Over the last 2 1/2 days I have been really trying to work out my challenge. I have spent lots of time sitting and thinking, walking and thinking, and even just simply thinking. All of that time spent trying to get the solution to my challenge. And then I thought of my earlier days (really earlier). Having a challenge and taking an immediate response to set to my solution. Some were successful and some were...oh my... some were horrific. I was thinking that then, it was for me too learn that I should take a moment and decide which of the activities was going to bring me the best response for the challenge. Well time has gone by for us all and I am afraid that sometimes we spend too much time looking for the answer to our challenge. Too much time spent will leave you petrified, never settling for any answer and just leaving yourself to feel overlooked by the challenge that was never fixed. I just want everyone to know that it is ok to check the different solutions to your challenge, but don't ever do nothing. Take time to evaluate all your choices, but then make sure that you take an action. Just know that some will be awesome and some will suck but either way you have the ability to tell everyone that you took a chance. And as life goes for us all, some were good and others were not so good. Gotta run and go finish since I have found the answer to my previous challenge.

Whew, Back Again, Finally

Hey Everyone! Let me wish that the 4th of July was a fantastic and great family moment for you all. A day of fun, fireworks, and a small beverage or two. First, and foremost, I would like to thank my wonderful friends who took us in and allowed us to stay at their gorgeous home for several days in the great city of Kona, Hawaii. You both were awesome, fantastic, and simply great. Thank you again for such a wonderful adventure. Let me say that for being in a place that allowed up to zip along nature, snorkel in the ocean (very challenging as Hunter does not like it ever again), saw a volcano dropping lava into the ocean during the day and night, seeing a family member that I have missed for 30 years, driving to the southern point of the island and the U.S., and most important lighting fireworks legally was a great couple of days. Whew a lot of truly cool things.

Next I wanted to let you know that my chemo with one medicine happened on Friday and I am doing pretty good, compared to that previous two medicines moments which was horrific. I am feeling pretty good and able to do some things as compared to being able to do absolutely nothing. I am on track for my next chemo on the 24th and my next MRI on the 7th of August. Hopefully my head is doing well with only one medicine, but I have a little time before I can find out for sure.

My mid year resolution is to update my blog a bit more often. I want share more moments good bad and ugly. So keep your a look out and we will see.

Time Flies

Hey Everyone!! Whew, what a long time since I sat here to share with you all. For anyone that is interested, I'm sorry. Sometimes life tosses so much at you that you miss many opportunities to share with my friends. So a quick set of info for you to read about starts with the most important, I got some of my chemo medicine changed as the previous one was so horrific for me to try and continue to endure. Yea! We will see how this goes by giving me a different chemo medicine, so far it is going very well with two tries I feel much better than I did with the first doses. Summer is always crazy as your whole family is at your side, every second. It takes a little time to again remember how to live with everyday as a Sunday. A trip to my wife mothers and father fun house in Angel Fire, New Mexico has already came and went. I will say that as we drove 16 hours to get there I could have bought some great fireworks but I had to tell Hunter NO!! We are here for a few days now to get ready for all the other summer stuff. Sometimes it is difficult to transition from school year to summer. Everybody home and doing there own thing.
To all of you that have shared my little blog with others I just wanted to say thanks. I really believe that some days can be great for everyone and other just ok. I really believe that I have to talk more and share many thoughts and ideas that I have with many people, hoping to help at least one person have a great thought every time they stop to read. So as we go forward I look forward to being able to give someone a great new opportunity.

Quick info

Well , I got the last MRI done on Thursday and wanted to show you all what it looks like in my super head. You can easily see the black whole where the previous large cancer got removed. Also you can see my current cancer with the little white piece over the black hole. The say that the current cancer piece is NOT growing, probably form my previous chemo medicine, which is VERY GOOD. Anyway I just wanted to share what it looks like in my super head. Hope you all are having a great weekend.

Time For That Talk

Well everyone I must tell you that life is pretty funny. I am sure that we all have those moments where you hear something or read something and decide that it is not for you and then it hits, Whack. Happened to anyone else? You see I had written this fantastic blog that talked about how you should spend your time. Should you be working hard or should you be spending time with your family? I had some great sentences and a few awesome jokes there for everyone to read. I had finished it up worked really hard to say invest time in your family so that you don’t miss your children. There it was another great writing by little old Eric. But then something different was shared with me. I ran into someone special. You see we were having an easy conversation about the whole thing and he shared with me his little problem. You see life had thrown him the wrong pitch, he was standing ready for the fast ball, but instead he had gotten the curve. This unknown or unexpected problem had changed the life he was using to focus on his family and was left with a very difficult focus on working to earn a living. I felt so ridicules. I had a great thing that told him not to waste his family time and he told me how he needed to work to help his family get to the next week or month. I always wonder how God can give you a great idea or thought to have for a while and just when you think you have it all God gives you a little more. Funny! So what is the right answer to this whole thing, well it is the same but a little different. While we must still focus life as I said before, I have learned where that focus should be. We should focus on closing your eyes and having a moment with God. What taking a moment to pray? The easy answer to that odd question is Yes. You see He is the bigger answer to all the problems and issues we were talking about. Having trouble with your kids, check with God. Getting in trouble with work and need to make it all come together, ask God for help. Looking for a way to find the answer to your problems, give it to God. I know there are some that will love this conversation and others that will say this is great and forget to stop and have that moment chatting with God, but all I can say is that with God’s help anything is possible.
As for me, well I am just great for now. Tomorrow is another thing. On Thursday I have 2 Dr. appt., blood draw, MRI (oh yeah #22 but whose counting) and Chemo, Yuk! As for me I will just be giving it to God!!!

My Big Guy

Hey Everyone. Well today is Sunday, a full two and a half days after my amazing chemo adventure. Now I am not here to share all the excitement of those Friday adventures, but just to let you know I did have the a super event of throwing up many times as I sat in the room with my arm still receiving the medicine. Yuck! But the point I wanted to share with you all today is about that little boy who could. You see Hallie had to go to the Prom with her kids with special needs meaning she was leaving at three thrity and the boundless ball of energy was suppsoed to be at my side the whole night. Ykies!!! How is he supposed to stay focused long enough to make sure I was doing ok. I am amazed and very proud to tell you Hunter, nine year old genius, did a great job. I thought, I'll just have to watch out for myself. Well I was very amazed that he did all the things on the instructions that Hallie had wrote for him. He checked on me every hour, made sure I ate, feed the dogs and even made us popcorn! He did all of these things while I was in the bed upstairs and he was in the room down below. And then finally he came up to my bed to go to sleep with me until Hallie returned from the dance. Amazing! It is so amazing that this is the little boy who has a history of moaning and crying that he is not getting to do what he wants to do. But last night he was able to do all that he needed to do to take care of his dad and stay focused on me. He made the night easy and I did not have to worry. I am so proud of that little nine year old genious that for the night he was able to push all of the normal crap he gives us over not getting to do what he wants to be there to assist and help his dad with anything that I needed. It is very unbelievable to see the actions of this young boy matching the goals and actions of his big father. All I want to say is thanks to God for allowing my hardest day ever to be made very easy by the young man who works just like me. Thanks again Hunter.

I had a thought....

Hey Everyone! I wanted to take time to thank some family friends for allowing us to spend the weekend in Oceanside. As you can see it was a bit colder than inland about 20 degrees but you can also see the boys did not seem to mind one bit. As I was watching the boys playing I started to think here are two boy, who played for several hours and enjoyed every minute (in the freezing cold) even though they are two very different personalities. Here are two boys one who

has an interest in reading and learning about stuff and the other who only has a mind for sports. They go to school together and enjoy each others company although they are totally different from one another. Even though they have different interest and ideas at school once at the beach they played together perfectly for hours. While I was watching them it became apparent that these two boys even though different in many ways are exactly the same. I started to wonder why as adults we are not able to look beyond our own personal interest and seek friendships or interactions with with others who are outside of our core group. We as adults have worked hard to become friends with a core group and then we stop seeking friendship with others because they are not just like us. What if we took the attitudes of a child and looked beyond our adult differences, just because we may not have the exact interests and thoughts does not mean that we may not benefit from each other in many ways. We as people miss out on what others can bring to us because we pass judgement on them for whatever reason. What if God's plan was for all of us to benefit from each other. I know that many of you are thinking what the heck am I talking about and I guess the bottom line is this....Don't miss out on something because you are to close minded to see beyond the differences. Be open to what each person may bring to you and realize that everyone has been put into ours lives for a reason.

So in closing I want to thank God for allowing me to think outside the box! To thank Hunter's friend for being a great kid and friend to him. To the family who put us into the fantastic beach condo for the weekend and to my family because I love them.

Awsome Thursday

Hey Everyone. What an amazing day today was for me. First , I feel great. On today's Thursday I was able to have a great time being busy all day. I was so excited having a day which was there to make me feel like my old self. While some of my words were difficult to be found, it was nice for me to be able to be busy and still feel like a million bucks. I was so honored to be able to have dinner with John and Jane White from FFC (Firefighters for Christ) tonight. Having never met them before, it was almost shocking to see their email asking to meet with us for dinner. I was very happy as it was so wonderful to spend some time together with them. And the dinner was very yummy too! Well tomorrow, Friday, is the start of my next chemo battle. Since Hunter and I and been talking (which I will cover next week) I know that as horrible and yucky as this stuff is, I will be fine and a winner as that is what God is allowing for me to believe will happen. Catch you all in a few days, unless there is something more important and then I'll be back anyway.

Surprise!!!! Station 25

Hey Everyone. I am happy to say that most of the horrible chemo things are almost gone and I am almost being back to myself. To be myself for the next four days before I step in to gain another chemo on Friday. Yuk!! You are probably all looking at the strange pic and asking yourself what is that group of people? Well I have something that is unique that I want to share with you all. Over the last month I had been struggling with the chemo sessions and the things that happen to my body as a result for example my thinning hair, intestinal issues, nausea, food issues ect. I had been having a tremendous amount of both pain and unease. I know that this sounds strange to hear me, Eric, having so much difficulty and becoming the individual who wants to get on the blog and cry and be pissed off. I wanted to use the blog and tell everyone how I was angry and frustrated about the whole thing. I was spending time thinking about how to share my total anger with all of you and then hoping that I could get back on track and back up to running correctly. But I was having trouble deciding if I was going to complain and be the one bitching and moaning. You see I think I am supposed to be the one who is all dialed in. I know that you all will say it's ok to complain ect. but I want to be the one who has something important to share not complain about the situation I am in. So back to the pic, you see on Saturday night I was the individual who the surprise party was for. It was people who I knew 10..15 years ago from my old paid call fire station in Orange County. Station 25! Here were people who came from many place to see me and celebrate a time in our lives. They wanted to know how I was doing and I just could not complain to them about what was going on. So here God had put me in a situation right when I needed it, to be able to share the positives with everyone and it was then I realized that all the bad stuff was just not important. We had a great time remembering the old times and sharing the new things in our lives. It was so great! So first off I want to thank God for putting me right were I needed to be, I want to thank Tom and Kim for making this event happen, opening up their house and for being such great friends. I want to thank everyone who was there and for all those who traveled near and far thank you! It was great seeing everyone and I hope everyone enjoyed themselves. I look forward to seeing everyone next year at our 2nd annual Station 25 reunion!

Tons of Items

Hey to Everyone! Well I have tons of info and things to share so lets begin by starting with the best and running to the worst. Here we go:
I got the last stitches taken out of my head today! Yea! It is only 2 months extra after my surgery and I finally have all the stitches removed. So fantastic to get it all done, cleaned, and complete.
Next a special thanks to all the teachers, and staff who were in the Faculty Follies & Silent Auction. It is VERY hard for me to sit back and tell you all what a great event that this was for us to attend. It was awsome seeing the people with their entertainment as well as having so many people there to help and assist us. I just want to say thank you from my heart. It is very difficult for me to talk about my situation, but I just want to again say thanks.
Before the teachers it was coming from the City of Riverside Fire Department who was able to give a little, or even quite a bit. To my brothers, sisters, and family members I just wanted to say thanks. After working next to most of you for my ten years and then by the person who is on this side of the help is unbelievable. For all this time I wished that I was there to be a helper, but I don't think that is too much part of my future. Thanks again.
Another totally unbelievable and shocking thing is the help from the City of Riverside Police Department. Getting something from your department was awsome. There are many times when we don't get to work side by side, but when you have given such a wonderful gift to a co-worker is truly thankful. Thanks again for all your help and your amazing gift.
Now the not so fun, the chemo which is an infusion. Last time I was only given one of the two types that I will get on Friday the 24th, and oh my gosh. Well let me share a little with you on this, since it took the nurse almost an hour to give me all the things that I need to know. Here I am, almost two weeks after the first one, and I am already starting to loose hair, have internal issues, and feel and hear many different things in my head. Sweet! Anyway I don't want you all to think that I am complaining, but this is the first time and just like we talked many days ago, this is just another one of those areas where I must be the one to step over the curb and keep walking. I mean really if this is the only thing that is going to be the help or the thing that keeps me here longer then it is exactly what I must get done. Besides who wants to be the guy to have a seat at the wall and look sad that his time is gone all because he didn't believe that with God he could do anything.