Merry Christmas

We hope everyone had a great Christmas and had the opportunity to spend time with the family. We certainly enjoyed our holiday and spending time with our family. It is not often we get to have everyone together at our house. We played with a few of Hunter's toys and enjoyed playing the Wii. The Guitar Hero is addictive, of course Eric can still beat all of us on any game whether it is Dance Dance Revolution or Guitar Hero. We have to thank Eric's sister, her boyfriend and our niece for such a great gift.

Again we wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope that you all had a holiday filled with love, faith and hope.

Hallie

Breaktime!

Well today was a great first day to not have the radiation part of the cancer killing process. My radiation goes Monday - Friday and I get Sat/Sun off. Pretty nice. A few first days to get all familiar with the system and now a few days to make sure that I'm recovered and ready for the next set which will start on Wednesday. I also wanted to take a moment and thank the incredible Eric at Station 3. A few weeks ago my head kept getting cold so I had called Eric and asked for a beanie. I told him that I'd send a check but he said no and I thought that would be a wonderful gift. Little did I expect that his delivery man had a significant amount of great things for both Hunter and myself. I offered his delivery man a check but he shot that down also. All I can say is thanks to Eric. Hunter and I really appreciate your fantastic gifts and I'm sorry it took a little longer to give you thanks and credit. I will tell you that Hunter has been wearing that sweatshirt EVERYWHERE! He also loves the red beanie. Thanks again Eric.

Whew

Well day two is over and so far everything is going along great. I haven't had any of the things they warned me about which is a great start. I included the picture of me attached to the table so that everyone can see what the treatment looks like. You can see that the mask covers my face but remember that it is very tight and does not allow my face to move at all. This is so that the lasers delivering the radiation can attack the exact spots of bad cells which get the needed killing. A quick thanks to Mike Esparza and Steve Ballinger (Riverside City Chaplain) for dropping by the house. It was great to chat with you. I know that Hallie really enjoyed meeting Steve and listening to him. Also thank you for the wonderful prayer, I really appreciate that fantastic event. As we get closer to Christmas hopefully everyone has completed all the crazy last minute tasks, shopping and events. This will allow everyone some special time to spend with their family and the people that they love. Remember this special time is a God given gift to spend wonderful moments together and share the joy of being with the people that are special to you.

One Treatment Down!

Yea, one treatment down, thirty two more to go. I am very excited to tell you all that the first treatment is complete. While I realize that lots of things can happen in the future, it is at this point that I am happy to tell everyone that I have no pain, discomfort or fear of future issues. I had a great meeting with my doctor this morning before I got secured onto the table. He was able to look at my healing site and let me know that I was ready for the beginning of the treatment. This was very important for me. I just needed to feel comfortable that someone who had significantly more experience that my head was healing properly and was safe and ready for the next set of treatments. The technicians were very good to give me lots of information before securing me to the table. They let me know that the machine will give me an initial Cat scan. This will then be compared with the previous scan to ensure that everything was still in the same positions. This comparison would be checked by the physician and once that was complete the radiation would begin. The radiation to my needed site would last three and a half minutes. The doctor told me that this special machine will be able to give the radiation into the areas where the cyst and tumor were touching brain matter about three centimeters past their previous location. This depth will help to work on any "fingers" that might have been growing or left behind. I thought that was very exciting. I want to get all those leftovers overcooked and stopped. The ride home was fantastic. I took a nap while we were driving home which the doctor said not to worry, that can occur. I sit here at that point and say sheesh, such a long ride for 30 minutes of treatment, but then I also say that the City of Hope is where the A treatment is so that is where I'm going.

Getting Ready for the Fight

I first want to take a moment and say thanks to everyone. Those times where I start to wonder or have moments that lack that strength and leadership I am able to draw from all those that have said the perfect thing to get my motor restarted. So with that super thanks to everyone, Wednesday starts the whole next process. Before I get started though I asked to speak to the doctor so that he can give my healing area a final look and confirm with me that it is ready to take on the next phase. I'm sure that this will be fine, but I just need to hear him tell me that the site is ready for part B. This whole next part is really strange. Not knowing what to expect while I'm secured with my face in the mask on the table is a current unexplainable experience. Now I'll have lots of experience on Wednesday night, but the inner battle of the butterflies in my stomach and the knowledge in my head about the need and possible help of the process is difficult. As you all know those butterflies are annoying and just put a hint of question against the strength of the knowledge base. I am however looking forward to getting this started so I can continue all the healing that is possible, hopefully killing or pausing all those bad cancer cells. Thanks again to everyone who has offered me help, motivation and prayers. Those wonderful things are full of strength and I appreciate all of them.

Christmas and Radiation?

It is really funny. Everyone has so many things and events that occur in this wonderful Christmas season. We all have to create the plan that will allow us to complete all those things that standout in this extrordinary time. We all must find the gifts, decide what to get, deck the halls, meet your family, see your friends, make the Christmas treats, drive here and there, wrap the presents, and all those other things that are involved in this season. Then we are able to cross them off one at a time as we flop on the couch with a loud "whew." Another one done. And then Christmas day finally arrives. We got to feel the warmth as our family and friends open that special gift ands share all those wonderful emotional moments together with us. Whew! Totally exciting and yet finally over. Well for me it is a little bit different. I still have all these Christmas issues just like everyone else, but I got to add some other busy items and some simple concerns. The radiation and the chemotherapy getting ready to start in just a few days has created many other difficult moments and thoughts only because I have no previous experience or info on how this is going to work or react with me. It was today that I got to realize that Christmas is only nine days away and my part B treatment is only three days away. It seems very hard sometimes to combine these two things that separately would be the item that overwhelms every moment for the entire time. I know that I need this part B treatment just as strong as I love the emotion and smile that comes from a family member when you deliver that perfect gift. I believe that this fear will probably settle down once I get started, but this pre-start waiting is hard for everyone that is starting something new. A new school, a new job, a new relationship are all just like this for me. That thing you believe will be wonderful, but the success of that opportunity is currently unknown.

Next Checks

Well another trip to my center for Hope to complete the checkouts before the final part gets started. I arrived at the City of Hope today to get a Cat Scan and a MRI. The radiation process is fantastic and will use the info from both of these scans to create the radiation delivery map. This is important as it will allow the machine to deliver very specific and appropriate beams onto the bad and needy areas. The staff here is fantastic as they were wonderful while completing both of these scans. If you never had a MRI, well when your head and body are inside the very close cylinder, you might be a bit nervous. I however am on number seven and the two before my surgeries were extra detailed and took about 60 - 75 minutes. After getting these two scans, I got to meet the mask creating specialist. A mask you are asking? Yes the most important mask to keep my head from moving so that the radiation beams will enter and hit the exact same spots for all the treatments. The mask that will safely prevent my head from moving at all. Now imagine if you took a tennis racket and heated up the strings. Once they were warm the technician took the racket and stretched the warm strings over your face and head. They pulled tightly against your face allowing you not to move anything. Not your head, chin, mouth or your eyes which must have been closed because they are unable to blink. Perfect, yours is just like mine. Oh, lastly they attach the mask to the table where you are being treated so that it holds you extremely well. Finally we met with the nurse to go over some of the basics for when the treatment gets started. She had lots of info and answers for the few questions we had. Whew.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yesterday was Monday the greatest day to give back all the staples to the facility. Although over the last two weeks there were a few changes. My body had the privilege of healing so much faster that some of the skin from my head started to grow over the stitches. While most people wouldn't think that this is an issue, if the skin grows over the stitches, well that is a problem. The staff is again wonderful and took just a short 45 minutes to get my beautiful head cleaned up. All I can say is there were several "OH CRAP" moments when it hurt alot. After all was done the staff wanted to again make sure that everything was correct so they used this bondo stuff (fill in super glue) and had the ability to warn me that there would be a slight sting. Slight? OH Boy! For all the medical people this was a significant sympathetic moment. My body sweating and having very little fun, but the best part is that all the pieces and parts have been removed. Those there did a great job to apply little pressure and do the best job to remove those parts that still had a challenge. I know they did wonderfully. Now part one is totally complete and we are getting ready to start parts two and three. I'm going Wed to get the cat scan and the MRI completed to lay the foundation to start the radiation. I'm very excited to get all this completed so that we can get back to living our daily dreams with our families. I know that you have all looked at the picture to see such a wonderful moment. I know this type of pain reminds you of many probation testing moments. I'll keep you all informed as I get more specific dates and times.

Thanks

What a week. I just wanted to say thanks. I know that Hallie was very excited to have members of my extended family checking on me last week. She took tremendous relief that someone was checking on me and she could pass on her fear to my brothers. I, as an active paramedic, thought that the application of a cream would be fine and it was totally ok. However I just wanted to tell you all thanks. After missing my shifts since October it has been a bit difficult to miss sharing moments about crews and events with my brother and sisters. Even though I was completely confident that my cream application was complete and perfect, it was great to share some time with those that were checking on me last week. I am looking forward to getting through this next couple of procedures so that I can return to good health and doing something fantastic. On a side note I am looking forward to giving up my wonderful staples on Monday. Only forty or so staples to give back to the facility. Pretty exciting.

The Doctor Team is Complete

Well another great meeting occurred at The City of Hope. I got to see my current Oncologist and meet my new Radiation doctor. What a great afternoon spent at this place where Hope can grow and expand. I met my doctors with my wife and my mother-in-law. Some would be concerned but this system is always great as people other than myself are sometimes able to ask some great questions that might be too far out there for me to even have thought of or to have considered. Also this is a great way for multiple people to hear the info and get opinions about the new individuals who are laying out the plan to "cure" or at least try to delay. My radiation is going to come from something called the Helical TomoTherapy. This system is unbelievable. Google this and see that the few places in the US that have this technology are very excited to have the best machine. I'm very excited to continue the "A" system that has been given to me from my City of Hope Doctor team. With the addition of the radiologist I feel that I have the best team of doctors one could have. I worked to get some dates for next week to get all the preparation work finished. The team will take a CT scan and another MRI to create the exact points that are needed for the radiation. I am excited that it is all coming together.

Support & Prayers

I wanted to thank everyone for all the support and prayers that have been sent our way. It has been comforting to know that so many people are out there to help us with anything we need. I am thankful that everyone has offered some kind of support and if we don't ask for physical help always know that we always need prayers. I wanted to let the RFD know how thankful I am to have them around and know that whatever I need they are there for Eric and myself. I am glad that Eric was able to attend the party and I finally was able to meet a few of the people who Eric has spent so much time with. I have always been proud to say that my husband is a firefighter but I am honored to say that he is a firefighter with the RFD. Over the course of the next few weeks I know that we will be asking for additional help getting Eric to his appointments and I want everyone to know what a difference this will make in his treatment. I want for him to have the best care and I know that The City of Hope is the best place for him right now. He needs to be around for Hunter and myself for a very long time. As he mentioned earlier 22 years is a long time to be with someone and neither of us plan to find out anything different. I also what to thank the staff at CHS and TVUSD, the support and comfort has been wonderful, I certainly never expected to need so much from the people I work with.

Anyhow on a happier note, the house cleaner starts tomorrow (thanks to the neighbors), and for those of you who know me this is great news. Eric is still unsure about someone cleaning our house but I have assured him that they will do a better job than I do and this seems to make it a little eaiser. Hunter was not too excited about having to clean his toy room, until I told him that the bathrooms were also going to get cleaned. He did not have a problem after that. We are also getting ready for Christmas, the lights are up and the tree is almost ready (we have to soak it for 2 days so I have to get it early in the week for it to be ready by Saturday). I wonder if other firefighters wives have to plan ahead so there is time built in for soaking the tree? I know Eric is happy he will be home everyday to water the tree, who knows how much water it gets when he is working. I guess this is one conversation we will not have to have this year, I know the tree gets dry and will catch on fire!

Well I hope everyone will enjoy this season with their loved ones. Time is so precious and it is important to make every moment count. Sometimes we get so busy in our daily lives we forget what is really important. Make sure that you make time for all of those that are important to you and if that means staying at home and sitting by the fire one night and not shopping or going to a party than stay home and cherish every moment.

Thank you again for everything,
Hallie

Seven Super Days

Well here it is, Monday! One full week following the second surgery. I'm totally excited to tell everyone that I feel pretty good. I seem to feel better than this same point after the first surgery. I do have more staples in my head so I know that is cool. My pain seem to be less than the first time as well as my body seems to be growing back pretty quickly. It is hard to continue to be giving thanks and emotion to the City of Hope but I just feel better overall. Kind of incredible! I'm meeting my new Radiation doctor this week and I get the staples out on Monday of next week. Pretty exciting that all the parts seem to be like a set of fantastic gears all working together and wasting no time, space or energy. It is also a bit easier as Hallie and Hunter got to have the start of a regular week rather than sitting at the operation hoping that I was going to be ok. I know it is very hard for them as well. It is equally hard for two people who have been together for 22 years to realize that God has created a new plan with no dates or potential outcomes. But we both know that I have been given this by God for some reason and I can only be successful and do everything that I can, hopefully to complete his plan before I get called home.

What a Great Party!

Well as I continue to be home and have my body growing back to normal, it is very nice to do a few things that touch my heart and warm my emotions. I received such a wonderful success in that whole thing last night at the Fire Department Christmas Party. It is a little awesome how I get to be different than others as I have an immediate set of family members like 30 people who are all my blood relations and then I am totally blessed with such a super family that is like three hundred of my brothers and sisters. It is truly unbelievable. I am so proud of all my brothers and sisters that every time I think about them and their activities I keep having silly tear drops running out of my eyes. I keep trying to stop extra water intake but those tears are something else popping out all the time. It was so great yesterday to see everyone and share a hug, some emotions and wonderful thoughts. I was a little concerned that sitting at the head table was going to overwhelm some women looking at all the stitches, but it was great not see any woman pass out from the great new head staples I'm wearing. I just want to say thanks again to all of my brothers and sisters. It is so umbelievably amazing to have such an fantastic family right there at my side. Thanks to everyone.

Horray, Home at Last!

Well I'm very excited to return home after the second surgery. Whew. It is incredible how you see your home, job or family as the place to invest your life. I sure enjoyed getting to my home. I have to say that the City of Hope was fantastic. I believe that many of the parts of my very detailed and difficult surgery were done fantastically. Everyone that works there is amazing. I was so impressed with meeting and chatting with the doctors, nurses and everyone else there. They were all incredible. I have to also say that previously I was very unexcited about investing 4 hours of my life to get to City of Hope and receive my 30 - 45 minute procedure, but after being there, I can't think of any other place I'd rather be to care for me. After being in the fire department for so long if you need more experience, more knowledge or a specialist they are all immediately activated and you have a group that will continue to grow right at the scene. This is the same for the individual who has such a disease. One doctor will call another and all three or four of my doctors will be there to discuss and solve the solution for me. Unlike the other world where a doctor sends info to someone else and then maybe another gets it. Anyway I need the team to continue to work together to extend my years. I have also included a pic for all to see my new and improved surgery scars. I'm now a y-scar. Pretty cool.

Finally Number Two and some GOOD news!

Well I am doing pretty well from yesterday. I know that they did some stuff and I am pretty wore out. I wanted to say how wonderful everyone has been here at the City of Hope. I am lucky to have so many great people helping me with the fight.

Eric

As Eric said he is recovering well and quicker than last surgery, they want to send him home on Wednesday! This of course is great news although I am not so much for blood and gross stuff, so maybe one more day here with the nurses who don't faint and get queasy would be a good call. Anyhow the Doctor did come in only after he was told not to come with any bad news, he was happy to say that the news was good. He told us that the MRI from today looked good and they all feel really good about the surgery. We are so happy to finally hear something positive. I guess all the prayers are working so keep up the good work. The next step will be for Eric to recover and heal from this surgery and start with the radiation and chemo.

Thanks again for all your love, support and prayers!

Hallie

Surgery's Over!

Eric's surgery went as expected, he is recovering and should be back to his old self in no time. This surgery was a bit more intense than the previous one and we are all happy that his vitals are what is expected. He will spend the next few days resting and recovering from this major event and I will continue to update everyone on his progress.

Thank you all for your support, it means so much to me and the rest of the family. Please keep us in your prayers as the journey is just beginning.

Hallie

Oh My.....

Well I know that surgery at the City of Hope is set for 11am on Monday the 26th, but every now and then sometimes I just wonder. I have to first say that I really love the staff there who are all operating together to give me the best and share all the different options with benefits and shortages. I still wonder here I already go through the brain surgery and well there is something else in there growing. Here I have this challenge and want to get it all out so that the other medicines will kill all the bad parts in my brain so that my life will get to extend another few years. It sure seemed like every time in the past I was smiling at the doctors office ready to hear about the best event that occurred and then slam, more crappy and sad info. I just again hope that we are making a great strength with the Hope doctors as I want to be around with my family for a very long time. I'm not ready to leave and go to heaven yet.

Finally the City of Hope is found

Well today I got to meet with some of the few doctors who are at the City of Hope. I was clear that I wanted to make sure that the current doctors I was working with were focused on me and giving me the "A" plan. That was what I always wanted. I met the Medical Oncology Doctor who asked me lots of questions and then brought up some different options for me based on the small item in my brain that still needed to be removed. WHAT? What ever are you talking about. Well she calmly stated that while looking at the new MRI, which was just done as the starting point before the chemo and the radiation, she was concerned and then got the neurosurgeon to look at the item. When asked if I wanted to talk to this doctor who I didn't even know, I said oh yes! Well he came into the room and discussed many different things with me, the guy who didn't even have a previous appointment with this me, the new patient, for about 45 minutes. We discussed all of the options, some of the benefits and some of the challenges and while I'm upset that there is something still in my brain that will kill me, I really enjoyed how he was able to share emotions and be a friend of mine. I also love the fact that he spoke slowly and calmly and included Hallie with many thoughts and options. I also have to say that I really like the fact that I spoke with three doctors today who all working together which is not the same thing that had happened before. These three all acted as though they are a team which will have a direct benefit for Eric. Kind of kewl. So now I'm set for surgery on Monday the 26 at 11am.

Yea, Surgery is over!

Well I finally got to return home following a wonderful surgery to my silly head. It is pretty funny to see a side that is full of 24 staples. I always thought I was going to get a small little hole in my skull, but surprised to believe that the surgery placed a 4" hole in my skull, moved my ear, cut my temple muscle and then put it all back together. Well I am very excited that the surgeon said that he thought everything was good and I just needed some time to work on getting all back to normal. I had a few moments with all the nurses and my iv history. Holey mackerel. Being a paramedic for over ten years I had to keep talking to them about some things. Anyway, they were all very nice and were happy to keep the morphine coming. My movement was pretty good and I was very excited that this big thing was removed and now I was just focused on the recovery so that I could get back to being me.

Change gears?

I spent the morning meeting the new neuro-surgeon named Mark Spicer. Life is a little funny when I show up to see a doctor that I have never used or needed before now. He pulled open all the MRI films and made a statement that I needed to have surgery on my head immediately. He stated that he needed to go in and remove the thing that we could see before it became a huge problem. Whew! Again more interesting info that I probably never got to see or understand. Well when should I get this surgery done? Tomorrow, and get it immediately. Another shock to my system. He came over to the table and started asking me more questions to help me realize why this was something that needed to be taken care of immediately, yet it was still a little hard to see the whole thing. Brain surgery tomorrow morning. WOW. I knew this was something that was right and needed but what a great issue that was suddenly all overwhelming. Here I was a regular guy that had never had any sort of medical issues for my whole life and now this thing that was so big. Again WOW! I spent the rest of the day at the hospital getting all the tests completed so that I would be cleared for surgery on Tuesday morning.

It is sometimes hard to see and follow all the items that are correct in your life.

I had suffered a strange pain in my head for the last two weeks. Every morning after waking up I felt the pain in the same exact spot. It was on my left side just slightly above my eye. It never moved and continued to be there every morning. I thought I needed more coffee or maybe I had too much caffeine. It was a pain that was there until work got me started and then as I would relax for lunch, that same strange pain would return. Clearly as a paramedic I knew that this was not right. I had a fear that I had some type of aneurysm. What was I going to do with some stupid pain in my head. I finally decided that I needed to be seen by my doctor and get this craziness fixed. I met a doctor for the first time. We had no previous history or any time shared together. She had lots of questions and we chatted about a lot of things. She was a little concerned that my blood pressure was 148/108. I thought that was way to high also, but just was guessing that I was irritated or concerned about this ridiculous situation. She believed that I had something to check and sent me to get a CAT scan that day. Great I thought a way to see my aneurysm in my brain. But I knew she was the one who had to be involved to return my health to correctness.
I have never had a cat scan and it was a little weird to be laying on a board with a medical device totally close to my face. Whew. Finally finished after 15 minutes of irritation.
I received a call later that afternoon and was told by the doctor that there was something there that needed some more test. Fantastic I thought my brain aneurysm was finally found. What not can I expect. I was told that I needed a MRI to get a little more tests done. I completed the MRI with 30 minutes of being very scarred and irritated as I laid on this board while many sounds and shakes were there to find out info. A little weired to not be able to move any body parts as all this was working very loudly and energetically. Once finished the staff said that they were going to send the info to the doctor, but here were the film pages for me to keep. Looking at them it seemed strange, but I was never a brain expert and thought that this one thing was a little weird, a little circle that was white probably could be something strange.
The doctor called me on Thursday and said that I had something in my brain and she made an appointment to see a neurosurgeon on Monday morning at 8 am. Suddenly I was worried. What is wrong with my brain, what is growing in my brain, what the hell are you talking about! What is this thing?