Not so Good......

As I sit down to write the blog tonight I am not sure what to say, how do I tell people that the person who fills my life with joy is truly fighting for his life. This is the most difficult thing I have had to do so far and I am sure that in the future more difficult things are to come. We saw the Dr. today and she said the tumor seems to be winning and that the last chemo did not do it's job. At this point there is nothing else she is able to offer him and she felt it was time to call hospice. Eric's health has steadily been declining over the past few weeks. He needs help with everything, he is weaker everyday, he can't see out of his left eye and he is tired and tired of working so hard at living. How difficult it must be for him to have to come to this place. We are going to increase his steroid in hope that it will give him some of his abilities back by taking down the pressure and we are going to continue living our life in the moment.

Thank you for your continued support, prayers and words of encouragement it means the most to us and we could not get thought this without all of you and of course our faith in God and knowing that we are truly in His hand.

Love and God Bless,

Hallie

Friendship and Thanksgiving

"May there always be work for your hands to do, may your purse always hold a coin or two. May the sun always shine on your windowpane, may a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you, may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you."

- Irish Blessing

Eric and I are so blessed to have such a great family but today I want to talk about our friends. We a truly blessed and thankful to have the support of our friends that are in our lives. As you go though life you cross paths with many different people some will stay and others will go. My dad always said if you can count your friends on one hand than you were lucky.....I guess Eric and I are super lucky than. Over the last 2 years not only have we continued to have friends that we have known for a long time we have developed new friendships. These friendships have help sustain us though these very difficult times. The kind words, words of encouragement and faith and sometimes just the hugs have made us smile on the most difficult days. Today I just wanted to say thank you for all that you do for us. We are so lucky to have more friends than we could ever count on our hands!

Now on to Thanksgiving.....we had a wonderful time with famliy 22 in all (and 6 dogs) at our house. Eric was a good sport and did very well with all the commotion. He rested when needed and this helped him get thought the day. The food was wonderful and the company was better. Everybody brought something and helped the day go smoothly. I hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving as well!

Finally, Eric continues to be about the same, no big changes on the health front. As the weeks have past he is more tired, and a little more weak. The tumor by his left eye continues to put more pressure on his eye making it difficult to see. He seems to have pain if he has a lot of sensory input (ie. Thanksgiving) but it passes. He is moving a little slower and needs more help around the house. If we get up and do things in the morning than he feels pretty good but once at home he gets very tired. Eric has commented on how hard this is and how hard the fight is right now. He is fighting to be here for Christmas and and my birthday so continue with the words of encouragement and the prayers. I know it is what gets me through and he needs it more now than ever.

Love and God Bless,

Hallie

P.S. This is one of the pictures that we took last week.

Some much to tell....

OK OK......I know it has been a week without anything and it can be hard without an idea of what has been going on so here it goes......

1st- Update on Eric's condition-It seems as if the chemo may have slowed things down for a brief time. Eric had been about the same as far as movement, language, pain ect. Although over the last few days there have a few changes that have me a bit concerned, nothing drastic but changed nonetheless. He is having more pain in his right eye and having to take more pain medication, he is also having more difficulty seeing out of that eye. His words are more jumbled and when trying to tell me something it is very difficult for him to communicate. As he stated it sometimes I have words and sometimes I don't...It just sucks! He has been more sleepy and slow all around. I suppose things that I have expected but hoping for a longer delay. Although he still has a sense of humor because when I say something like I don't think things are going that well he says "What?" and gives me the thumbs up with his bad hand. Always the comedian!

2nd-On to the fun stuff...Disneyland! We went to the happiest place on earth and stayed at the Grand Californian (Eric has always wanted to stay there). I had the room decorated and surprised the boys it was wonderful. Eric wanted to see the Christmas lights and to spend time with family and we did just that. It was great for all, Eric's sister April and niece Morgan were there to help out and go on the big rides with Hunter and Eric and I enjoyed the people watching. I think the best time other than the room surprise was watching Fantasmic. Thanks to a Disney cast member we had a view of a life time, she put us in the dream makers sections and it was a dream. Of course I also enjoyed the "snowing" but Eric not so much.

3rd- On Thursday we all went to the City of Hope to work on a memory pillow with the family. Hunter missed another day of school as well as Morgan our niece. They have this really nice program for kids to make something with their sick family member and Morgan, Hunter and Eric made hand print pillow cases. It was a wonderful experience and everyone is so happy to have had the opportunity to make these sentimental pillows. As soon as they are finished I will post a picture of the pillow, they are beautiful. When you look at our family pillow you will notice that Eric, Hunter and my hand print makes a heart. I ask the gal if she had seen that before and she said "no" I guess it just goes to show how much love the 3 of us have and how connected we are.

I leave you with a request for continued prayers of strength and a miracle for miraculous healing. Each day that passes is truly a gift but a miracle would be the best gift of all.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31

All You Can Do....

All you can do is all you can do and all you can do is enough.

Art Williams

Today I start the blog with a quote from Art Williams, it seems to be the quote if the week. Eric continues to have struggles with the movement of his right side and his language, although he is able to get out this quote and continues to live by it. Each day is a challenge for Eric but each day he comes to the challenge ready to do all he can and all he can do is just enough.

So a little update...Eric as mentioned continues to have right side weakness and difficulty speaking. He is able to communicate verbally it just takes him time to get out his thoughts and he needs to go slow. He is not having too much pain it seems only once in a while he needs to take another pain pill. Eric's appetite is hardy due to the steroids he is on for the swelling and he is a little more tired than usual. He continues to have a great sense of humor and continues to make us laugh.

As some of you know Eric's little sister has been with us the last week. It has been nice to have her here to help me and to help Eric. I think it was also important for her to be here for her big brother. Unfortunately back to Arizona she goes but it has been great while she was here. Eric's mom, dad, step mom, uncle, aunt, sister and niece were also here to spend a nice Saturday and Eric enjoyed all the laughter.

Now for us a little family get-a-way to the happiest place on earth........I will fill everyone in when we return.

God Bless and have a wonderful Saturday

Hope, Faith and Thanks.....

As I chat with others about the situation and we talk of Eric and his continued hope, faith and thanks for all the God has given him it was bought to my attention that throughout his blog he has always talked of hope, faith and thanks. Even during this most difficult time he continues to hope for a miracle, has a faith that whatever is to happen is His will and is thankful for everything and everyone. It makes me proud to be his wife and know that he is the man that he is! Anyhow I just wanted everyone to know that even though he has difficulty talking nothing has changed in his spirit, beliefs and hopes.


Once you choose hope, anything's possible.
Christopher Reeve

News from the home front....

Well it is Sunday and we have had a nice weekend.....Eric and I even had some alone time thanks to my parents. Eric is doing well, is able to communicate with me and a little to others.. His right side is not working well but he is a trooper and doing the best he can. He continues to have a feisty spirit and strong will! So it seems as if things are status quo for now....just the way we like it!

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

THIS SUCKS!

From the mouth of Eric.......THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!!!! I really don't think much else needs to be said!

News...Update...& Continued Prayers!

Well I know that it has been a few weeks since Eric has lasted posted anything and it has been a very difficult few weeks here at the Botkin house. As you have figured out Eric is not writing this but his soul mate and life long partner Hallie. It has been difficult for me to come into the computer room and sit down and get the info that needs to be given. Eric finally told me tonight that he really needed something put on since it has been such a long time. I want to give everyone all the info so I will try and be as descriptive as possible to help answer questions that everyone will certainly have after this posting. So here goes.....

• Oct 20th-Eric finds out that the tumor is back...not a good sign
• Oct 21st-I talk to the Dr. and decide it is time for me to stay home(not working) an be with Eric, spending time and maybe a trip or 2 with the family.
• Oct 22nd-Eric spoke with Neuro-surgeon and he said that surgery was not an option
• Oct 24th-Eric had a seizure, droopy face can's talk.....last about 1 hour
• Oct 25th Eric had 3 more seizures...same as Saturdays
• Oct 26th- Eric woke up and can't talk at all...everything comes out wrong does not get better.
• Oct 27th- increase medicine so swelling decreases..improved speech
• Oct 27-30th- no changes in health..except talking more...meet with Dr. on Oct 29th....had new chemo.
• Oct 31st-Eric woke up and the right side of his face was droopy.....can talk very well, or chew his food.
• Nov 1st-Less speech, sleeping all day..not himself at all!
• Nov 2nd- about the same...had to give a little tough love...
• Nov 3rd (Today)- Woke up took a shower! talking to me more....to his mom a bit more...has trouble talking but is part of the conversation and interested in what is happening.

So as you can see things have changed almost daily. The Dr. tells Eric that she is not giving up but that we are at the end of our choices and there is not much else we can do if this chemo does not work. She has asked him some hard hitting questions and it has been a very emotional week for everyone. I ended up with strep throat and was out for a few days and Hunter by far seems to be doing the best in all of this. I am not sure were this leaves us other than in His hands. Eric's spirit seems to better today and so is his speech, it could have been the chemo that made everything crazy or it could be something else. All I know is that we will continue to hope and pray for a miracle and know that whatever happens it is in God's hands. So I leave you with this......

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries, today's trouble is enough for today."

Matthew 6:34

PS....I want to thank both our mothers for all there help over the last few days....I don't know I would have made it all happen without there support, love and help with the man (AKA Hunter).

Now Way!!!!

Hey Everyone! Life is so funny. I know that some of you may now know it yet, but indeed, life is funny. I had just typed about the best day that I had for quite some time by just sharing with all my brothers an sisters, and now this. Over the last couple of days I had determined that the pain in my eye had moved from a little, to alot, to it never stops. Hoping that it would just go away, I waited a few days to find that my eye always hurt now with pain moving between a 3 to 7, never going away. I called my amazing Dr. and she said come in today and lets see what is going on in that head of yours. Well I have just arrived home with the news that the tumor thing in my head is bigger. Bigger to be a big challenge. I will have to wait to talk to the surgeon doctor to see if it is removable, but some are acting as if this may not be the case. Pretty overwhelming how I got to have a great moment last week offering my thanks to all my brothers and sisters and then thrown to start over in the amazing Eric Botkin issues. Pretty crazy. Well I am sure that I will have more leading us the the new solution, but I just wanted to share. Please don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy to still be here. While I am ready to keep working, I thought this little story was funny as nothing ever seems to go the way you have planned. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as it seems this battle is going to get a bit harder.
God Bless

What an Awsome Day!!

Hey Everyone! First, I just wanted to apologize to everyone as I was mostly feeling really poor with my 2nd 6-week chemo plan. While I am not really sure how it is all working, I am still very happy for God to allow me to continue to be here. Hopefully it will go great again like last time, but we won't know until early November to be sure.

Today I wanted to tell everyone that occasionally you live your life greatly as you are blessed with another opportunity. One of those moments comes when you have the control and get to surprise everyone else. Whether it is a big deal or not, it is the moment of being the person that has been allowed to deliver a little something that will let everyone know you care. Today, it was me, the crazy brain cancer dude that got to deliver a little something and really enjoy the moment. I had taken on a great, and very long adventure with my old fire department, City of Riverside. I spent the day with Hallie and surprised my previous crews. We traveled to all the fire stations and dropped off a little something to say thanks for being a great group. I was very excited to be able to do this because the reality of it all is that some day in my life I would need to ask my brothers and sisters for more help. But today it was great to let them all know that I really have appreciated all their help. Thanks again, to all my amazing brothers and sisters of the City of Riverside. I do miss being their alot, but want you to all know that I really appreciate your help.

Lastly I needed to take another moment and say thanks to an amazing woman. My friend at the See's Candy here in Temecula she is AWESOME!! When I was there to look for a great item, she came over and really allowed me to pick out what I needed to be the best gift. There are many people in our work today that do alot of stuff, but very few move beyond the stuff and work with fantasticness (I know that fantasticness is wrong, but she was fantastic). So after a great long day of sharing with everyone, now I am ready for a long winter's nap, or something like that.

Take care everyone and God Bless.