The Bad and the Amazing

I had just laid down to go to sleep and finished a wonderful intimate prayer with God. I laid there feeling so good in my heart and I started wondering why I suddenly, after a totally long day, was feeling great. I was stunned and unsure why my heart felt good. I mean really, I have brain cancer. That thing which is known and respected as bad. I then thought that some brain cancers patients still remain around on a blessing and miracle of God, keeping them here. They must be here for a special reason, completing that special role given to them by God himself. And then it hit me, something amazing yet ridiculous. My role that thing for me was simply to change my outlook on life and all of those life events. Silly, yet unbelievable. The biggest miracle in my life has simply been to change how I see the important things. For example before this horrific thing attached itself to me I was a "B" father. Working hard to complete the important activities and yet not working to give emotions and energy to help my family grow. I am amazed that the relationship between Hunter and I has totally changed over this last seven months. To grab that boy and tightly hug him with love and emotion every single time has been the best thing that has ever happened. To hold him in my arms and let that joy transfer ever single time is fantastic. And what is so great and horrific is that this would have never happened to me without accepting the limitations of the cancer. I look at the comparison of the two lifestyles and realize that the boy raised by me in my previous endeavor without any changes would have fallen short. Hunter is now a boy that is allowed to have several few amazing years with my new gift. My potentially shortened time years are here to work with him on the most important compared to the many years of being with him before. I raised in bed to realize that over the course of this whole thing I have been given a potential curse of brain cancer and got the miracle of realizing how to become an "A" father. I know this sound ridiculous, but I am so thankful to have been give such a miracle. I recognized that this might be hard for others to have that moment, that event, or that life changing thing to help then realize the benefits of that shift. The shift from the old to the new. I can only tell you how great is has been to enjoy what that shift has given to Hunter, me and to Hallie. Again thank you God for such a wonderful miracle.

Fast....and Slow

To all my blog visitors...welcome. To bring everyone up to speed on my current status, you must be told that last week was the chemo pill ingestion, while week this is the return to normal. For the week of ingestion, Thurs, Fri, and Sat begins to really grow the nausea and general poor feelings. Then as I get off the pills, the return to normal starts slowly on Mon and Tues so that I'm feeling pretty good by the end of the week. So things are doing pretty good as the end of that week is right around the corner.
As I am trying to get through this month of June it was really interesting what I was able to observe. I'm sure that most others are enjoying the flury of items and events that are scheduled to occur over June because there is so much found on the calendar. A total family overload goes on, meaning that almost every second is accounted for until you pass out to go to sleep. To demonstrate what I'm talking about let see the Botkins. First there is the child. Hunter finished school, had his first communion, enjoyed some other family events, went camping with the boyscouts and loved that his baseball team went to the final playoff game with three games in the week. Hallie, on the other hand, had her special education students at the prom, working hard to get everyone out as a graduate (and trying to keep her emotions at bay since she is losing 7 students), and had to enjoy meetings and starting the papers for all those incoming next year. Of course there is me, with all my chores and watching over MY puppy so that she does not get into trouble (Hallie's puppy is always an Angel) HA HA! Other than that things are so easy. While this totally crazy scheduling can hit all families over this two week period, it is important to still invest your time and energy into your family relationships. Give up that needed TV for 15 minutes to share feelings and love with your family members. It is so amazing how giving up just 10 - 15 minutes to sit and share moments, thoughts, and time with a family member help to reinforce the relationship. It makes it very easy for all family members to see that while life pulls so hard at your time and focus, disconnecting to reconnect with a loved one will have a huge filling of your hearts.

As the end of the school year is here and the beginning of summer is upon us I just remind everyone to be safe, have fun and make memories!