I hate this....

I just hate this....I hate.....

.....telling people that Eric is not doing well

.....that Eric may not be aware of Christmas or my 40th Birthday

.....that I have to plan a funeral

.....that Eric will not be here for all the important events in Hunter's life

.....that his family lives in Arizona

.... that I did not feel like putting up ALL my Christmas decorations

..... that things are different

.....that Eric is not in our bed

.....that Eric is not getting out of bed

.....that people don't know what to say

.....that I have gained a lot of weight and just keep eating

.....that people make excuses for my weight gain because of the situation

.....that I have a 10 year old that may or may not understand the situation even though we have talked to him the whole time

.....that Hunter and I will never get to vacation with Eric again

.....that I have to think about a funeral

.....that the word funeral has the word FUN in it ...Really

.....that I have to be strong even when I don't want to be

....and that people tell me it's ok to cry......as if I don't know this

.....that we will never get to play rock band or guitar hero until midnight anymore

.....that Eric is not doing well and getting worse each day

.....that we can't go to the movies as a family together

.....that Disneyland will just not be the same with out Eric

.....that I have to live without Eric

.....that weird things make me cry especially in stores

.....that Eric will never get to see Burn Notice,Iron Chief America, or baseball games again

.....that we can't laugh for no reason

.....that Eric won't be here for me to complain to about anything

.....and that he can't give me advice

.....that I have to take care of the finances

.....that people feel sorry for me

.....that Eric will not be there to guide Hunter though all his man moments

.....that Eric would be able to watch hunter play baseball

.....that people tell me that Eric will always be here in spirit....it's just not the same

.....finally that Eric is dying and I can't fix it........