Well as some of you know it is my 40th birthday today. I never thought that I would be going though something like this in my life let alone on my 40th birthday. Growing up my mom always made sure my birthday was special because it was so close to Christmas. As I sit to write this blog I wonder how the next 40 years could ever be special as I watch my husband die on my birthday. As we sit by his side, counting the seconds between breaths, watching his labored breathing and checking to see if he is warm enough. We have discussed things that I never thought I would have to discuss especially on my birthday. A representative is here from the Riverside fire (he happens to be a friend) in case he passes, they will be with him from now on. Everything is happening and I wish I could just hit pause.....
I think he will make it though the night but I will post as soon as I can. I know some of you are thinking ,she does not have to do this but for me it is a way to express myself and to give critical updates.
Love,
Hallie
7 comments:
Thank you Hallie for taking time to post updates. It is your birthday today and it is a special day as you sit beside your husband during these last moments. I thank you for the opportunity to be with you today and to be able to say goodbye to Eric! Reminiscing about past years and many wonderful memories was very special to me. You and Eric are very inspirational......you are a wonderful model to many people; you demonstrate a pillar of strength. It is hard to imagine you and Hunter without Eric but I know that Eric will want the two of you to create many special memories together and to honor Eric throughout the years. Today was a special day for me and I know I will remember and cherish the time that I was able to share with you, your family, Eric's family and friends. I am thankful for the Firefighters who will now be with you and Eric and I am sure Eric appreciates the "guardian" as well! God Bless Hallie! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Chrissy Nigrelli
Thank you for your update.Love him hug him and enjoy jime intell the end.My thought are with you.
Love Krista Cooper
Hallie,
Thank you for the update. We've been thinking and wondering about you and Eric all day. I am so sorry you have to go through this and that Eric is getting weaker. God, this is so unfair and I feel so much anger right now...nothing compared to what you're feeling I know...I just don't know what else to say. We share your sorrow Hallie...We love you all!
Kim and Tom
Hallie, Keep talking to him until the very end. I know from personal experience that he knows you are there and can hear everything you are saying. Even though he knows you love him keep telling him until he can hear you no more. You are amazing and I know everyone truly appreciates the time you continue to take to keep us all posted. Most people check 3,4, 5 times a day. I love you and cherish your friendship more than you can know. Maureen F
Hallie,
You are truely an amazing woman. It stinks that you, a very special person, has to go through this. It is evident that you are reaching out to God to help you and guide you through this season in your life. I will continue to pray for you, Hunter and the rest of your family as you continue to look to Him for strength and guidance.
Cindy Salazar
We are all waiting on your updates and hanging on every word. I know I have said it, but this is by far, the hardest part on your end, but Eric already endured the hard part. The suffering for him is finally ending, while a new level of suffering is just beginning for you. You CAN do this Hallie, Hunter needs you to.
The step you are in actually lasted longer than I thought (for us). Take comfort in the fact that you have done everything humanly possibly to take care of his needs, and he knows how much you love him. You will never understand "why" (at least I don't) but you will get to acceptance, which for me, was the next best thing.
I'm so sorry that your birthday is today. I can only pray that he holds on for a few days to separate the 2 dates as much as possible. I know neither date will ever be the same for you, but maybe some day you will find peace. I look at it this way... Bill died 6 days before Father's Day and 11 days before my birthday... there is no good time for the love of your life to leave. It SUCKS no matter what time of year.
Bill's birthday is actually today too. He would have been 43. You too share a very special birthday. I will ask Bill to show Eric around the palace...
Please e-mail me (and I can give you my phone number) if you want to talk, cry, yell, scream, etc.
My offer still stands about the planning...
Love and prayers,
Jackie
jacbartak@sbcglobal.net
http://bartak.blogspot.com
A sad day, a red day. Even though this time was apparently bound to come, it is a bitter pill to swallow and difficult to accept. Hallie - you handled this situation so strongly and courageously. Your example set the bar high for all of us to strive for when we face adversity and sorrow. Those of us in emergency services are by nature "fixers" - we believe that we can fix just about anything with enough time, manpower, and energy. Watching you battle so hard and knowing that we could not "fix" Eric's condition was difficult for us to accept. But know that you're efforts were not in vain, because Eric's life was so much the better while he was here because you were his partner/friend/wife, and because you were an inspiration to us that will last forever. May you find peace and comfort soon, and know that you are loved and appreciated.
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