Fast....and Slow

To all my blog visitors...welcome. To bring everyone up to speed on my current status, you must be told that last week was the chemo pill ingestion, while week this is the return to normal. For the week of ingestion, Thurs, Fri, and Sat begins to really grow the nausea and general poor feelings. Then as I get off the pills, the return to normal starts slowly on Mon and Tues so that I'm feeling pretty good by the end of the week. So things are doing pretty good as the end of that week is right around the corner.
As I am trying to get through this month of June it was really interesting what I was able to observe. I'm sure that most others are enjoying the flury of items and events that are scheduled to occur over June because there is so much found on the calendar. A total family overload goes on, meaning that almost every second is accounted for until you pass out to go to sleep. To demonstrate what I'm talking about let see the Botkins. First there is the child. Hunter finished school, had his first communion, enjoyed some other family events, went camping with the boyscouts and loved that his baseball team went to the final playoff game with three games in the week. Hallie, on the other hand, had her special education students at the prom, working hard to get everyone out as a graduate (and trying to keep her emotions at bay since she is losing 7 students), and had to enjoy meetings and starting the papers for all those incoming next year. Of course there is me, with all my chores and watching over MY puppy so that she does not get into trouble (Hallie's puppy is always an Angel) HA HA! Other than that things are so easy. While this totally crazy scheduling can hit all families over this two week period, it is important to still invest your time and energy into your family relationships. Give up that needed TV for 15 minutes to share feelings and love with your family members. It is so amazing how giving up just 10 - 15 minutes to sit and share moments, thoughts, and time with a family member help to reinforce the relationship. It makes it very easy for all family members to see that while life pulls so hard at your time and focus, disconnecting to reconnect with a loved one will have a huge filling of your hearts.

As the end of the school year is here and the beginning of summer is upon us I just remind everyone to be safe, have fun and make memories!

This just in.....

As many of you know the first MRI after all the radiation and CHEMO treatment was to be completed in May. Well I had the first test a few weeks ago and the 1st doctor thought it looked good but we had to wait for the official report. We waited almost 2 week and saw the neurosurgeon and got the official report. We should have known somthing was wrong when he came in asking "so what did the 1st Dr. tell you?"..... that can't ever be good. Well he thought that there was something that needed further investigation. So back to the MRI machine for some super duper tests.....I only had to stay still for 2 hours this time! Well that test was on Friday at 6am yeah that's right 6am, yikes! Then we had to wait over the holiday weekend for the results. To make matters worse our Friday's Dr. appt. got moved up to Tuesday (today), the same day we meet with the neurosurgeon, so we thought for sure it was bad news and they both wanted to be there. So all weekend we worried and discussed the big life issues contemplating what our future had in store for us and the family. Well it turns out all that worrying was because our CHEMO Dr. has jury duty and was not going to be there on Friday! Anyhow we meet with both Dr.'s and they both said that the radiology report came back stating that the spot they see most likely is not a tumor but they can not definitely rule that possible out. So basically they don't know if it is or isn't anything! Well you are asking so what does that mean? It means that we all wait another month and see what the next MRI comes back as and they monitor me a little closer for a while. As far as Hallie and I are concerned this news is just fine considering what the alternative could have been.

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend and got to spend some time with the family.

Happy Mothers's Day.

Hey Everyone! Happy Mother's Day. Hope all had a wonderful and exciting day, and had an opportunity to speak to those important females and took a minute to say thank you. Thank you for dreams, hope, discipline, and most important love. The mother has helped us learn, grow, experiment and succeed in all of these wonderful areas. Again to all mothers, young and old, thank you for all your hard work. I especially want to thank my mom for all her love and support over the years and to my mother-in-law who raise a wonderful daughter whom I love dearly.

As for me I am so glad that Friday night was my last chemo pill for this month. The increase in my milligrams has had much more negativity than all the other previous chemo pills. As I described to Hallie, it just makes me feel "blah". The more I felt this it seemed as though a better description is just constant nausea. As all the previously pregnant women know once you feel nauseous you struggle to eat. Well, with no eating your body reminds you that you are hungry with headaches, growling tummies, and basic hunger pains. So the patterns repeats, nausea, hunger, headache......AHHHHH. Anyway I'm looking forward to this next week to get back to normal hopefully really quickly so I can return to the great eater that all my fire department brothers know that I am deep inside.

Our Family Addition!!

Well everyone has been waiting to see our new addition since our announcement. As you can see she is a very cute Chocolate Lab named CeCe. I fell in love with her and convinced Hallie that Hunter would love to have a dog and he has wanted one for a while. Since Easter was right around the corner we decided to get her. Well little did I know that the dog would actually be Hallie's and not Hunter's. She listens to everything Hallie says.....nothing that I say. Hallie can yell at her from another room....she will stop whatever she is doing........and go find her. If I yell at her to stop chewing on.... oh any number of things....she just looks at me and well......laughs..... This is would be fine but after the 1st two weeks Hallie went back to work so my days have been....well very long!!! Of course once Hallie comes home she is just a perfect Angel. I know that Hallie thinks I must be having issues again because she never misbehaves for her and Hallie can't understand what I am taking about. (ps. check out those PAWS......huge!)

As for me I have started my 3rd round of Chemo, I did so well with the first two rounds (Ha, Ha) the doctor decided to increase my dose. Well in a few days I will let you know how that goes. I am not feeling that great already so I am sure it will be a long week or weeks. Well, at least I can just rest and feel better in between rounds with CeCe.

Finally don't forget Mothers Day is on Sunday and whether it's your mom or some other fantastic women remember to take a moment and say "I Love you" or "Thanks for all you do". Its the little things in life that go a long way and you will have made someones day!

Time Keeps Moving!

Hey everyone Happy Saturday! Well I am very excited to say that I am feeling pretty good today. This is the second month of the newer treatment and it is better than the previous first month. If you remember, the first month took two weeks after the chemo week to get better. Then I started the second month of chemo pill, which last 5 days. I finished on April 11th and it took just one week before I started to feel a little better. Today I feel pretty good and am excited that during this second month I got better quicker. It was also nice to have an idea of what body changes could be coming. Month number 3 is just around the corner and maybe that will be even quicker to return to normal. We 'll have to wait and see just what happens.

I am also excited that today I got to be involved with some of my extended fire family as the City of Riverside participates in a cancer walk that will last for 24 hours. What is cool is that the fire department will have people walk around the track for the whole 24 hours. My name got put in as a survivor which was really nice. It was really wonderful to see some of the extended family, which I miss by not showing up at my station and running calls. Thanks to those that included me and thanks to those that organized the event for the department.

As a small bit of interesting info last Saturday Hallie and I were featured in the Press Enterprise newspaper on the front of the Local section. Pretty incredible to get to be interviewed and share my story with the reporter. They also did video so that video section is on their site. If you want to see us on video then use this link, http://www.pe.com/video/riverside-index.html?nvid=237362&shu=1, or you could just use this link to see the article. (www.pe.com/localnews/rivcounty/stories/PE_News_Local_S_firefighter19.429bb83.html) It was very nice having some people who I have never met see the blog. It has been a great way for God to allow some others to see and hear some of HIS words. This seems like a great way to share some of my thoughts and feeling with many different people.

Lastly I previously spoke of our family addition. Well, we have added CeCe, a wonderful chocolate lab puppy. She is almost exactly opposite of the 7 year old chocolate lab, but a wonderful growing addition to our fantastic family. We got her on the Saturday before Easter and it was a nice surprise for Hunter. She was 7 pounds and after only three weeks she was 16 pounds. Whew, growing faster than we were ready for, but she is awesome. I hope that everyone is great and continues to take time to share moments, events and thoughts with their families as truly that is the most important thing that God has for each of our lives. Take care everyone!

Sorry I Have Been Gone...

Hey everyone! Sorry that I have not posted anything new in a month...Who knew Chemo would be so crappy.... Anyhow I started the second round of chemo in March and all was well during the week of Chemo and then well things went down hill from there. I guess the biggest thing is I have lost my taste buds and have no appetite. Of course those of you who know me know I was always good to eat.....So I have lost a few LBS and well Hallie, making up for my lack of food consumption, has added a few. Anyhow I had three weeks off and started to feel normal again and guess what it was time for more Chemo! So here we go again I did my April Chemo and now back to feeling crappy.....I am not sure how long this is going to last hopefully I can get used to the Chemo so that I can enjoy my food again.

Anyhow all is well with the family including our new four legged addition (more to come later).....Spring break has come and gone...Hallie is back at work trying to make it to the end and Hunter is back to baseball and when he is not playing he is watching any number of games (thanks direct T.V.). Now that I am home alone again I should have the opportunity to update my blog on a more regular basis. Just know that I am still fighting the fight and looking forward to many more posts in the future.

Round 2!!

Whew! Well I have completed another exciting chemo treatment last Friday. The start of the second treatment wave has ended for the first time and I am happy to say that I have had no new issues. Again Whew! The second part of this treatment is taking double of the previous chemo pills. Double the mg, yes that is correct. I am happy to report that, even though it is five consecutive days for the pills, I am able to bypass most of the bad issues by taking it just before I go to bed. Now it is still wise to have an empty belly, and that is a bit easier to accomplish at night instead of during the busy day. Having completed the second round of chemo, I get a 23 day break until the next round starts. Taking this pill is set for the next six months and will possibly have some changes as the first MRI is around the corner in April or May.

As I continue to treat myself and to work hard in hopes to be here for along time, I have had the opportunity to chat with many different people. The other day I was talking to someone and we were chatting about how sometimes it is very difficult to see the pattern that God is laying out for your life. We endure all these things in our life and try to change this and that. We make the happy face for some and then don the sad face for other challenges that we question. It is just unbelievable as we look back and see that each of these events, regardless of how awesome or horrible are exactly as God had wanted us to experience life and grow as humans. It is sometimes so difficult to sit and think that these things are exactly the role that God wants for us. Regardless of how good or bad each of these things is they are all part of His plan. Now I know that we usually keep forgetting that the plan is already laid out and we are just moving along, but we must always take a moment and enjoy the fact that we are still part of the plan, working to complete something that will lead into something else either for ourselves or for others. I still want you all to know that as much as I wish there was someone else enjoying this part of God's plan, I realize that this is bigger than me and for whatever the reason I am the one who has to go though this and in doing so I am just living God's plan. That being said I am still me and still happy that I am here to spend time with my family, my friends and my supporters. Thanks again to everyone.

Thanks to Everyone!!

Well today I have not had to go get any radiation to my head for almost 21 days. Whew! It is amazing to me that the last three weeks have very slowly allowed some of my regular human functions to return, as some of the important things had been on vacation since December 19th. I wanted to first say thank you to everyone who was helping me over these last months. Your attitude, your help and especially your prayers have been a beacon in the midst of a very foggy and unknown future. It is really amazing how this event has changed the thinking of life. I went for a brief walk this morning and it was unbelievable to me as I was looking all around. To see my life as the thing that God has still allowed to exist is pretty incredible. Being aware that I am the individual who is involved with events so that I can be the person to give and help create memories for others is wild. The job, your daily lives and the pressure from all the time filled events are somehow able to make us all forget this little thing. That little thing is God has wanted us to enjoy every moment we are still here, and be able to share our lives with our family and be thankful that we are here another day. While all those other things that fill up our daily lives are important I just wanted to remind everyone to push back the things that take up time and make room for the real priorities in our lives.

Treatment Finished! Healing Started!

Well Eric has been finished with his treatment for about a week. All is well and his system is getting back to normal, with the exception of some missing hair. We still are not sure about the white cells, which of course makes life interesting when everyone keeps getting sick. First I was down for about 4 days and we thought we were out of the woods until yesterday when Hunter decided to sit on the couch all day. Well anyone who knows Hunter knows this is just not right! Well sure enough today he has a fever between 101-103 and he now has to be quarantined. We have him set up with the walkie- talkies and needless to say I am getting my exercise. As I mentioned earlier I am not sure if Eric has the immune system needed to fight off another illness. Well only time will tell.

Other than regular life stuff, which I am sure everyone is going though there is really no exciting news. Well maybe some are excited to see that Spring Training has started and that means baseball is just around the corner. In our house America's past time is almost as important as eating and sleeping.

Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts over the next few months as we wait for the next MRI and get back to the chemo. I know that we are stronger because of your prayers and God's strength.

Love,
Hallie

4 More Days!

Well the radiation and chemo has taken it's toll on Eric and we are counting down the days till it's done. The radiation was kicked up a notch or two last Thursday and this has just zapped all the energy out of Eric and the chemo has played havoc on his intestinal system. Hopefully after Friday his body can start to get back to normal. Eric has had such a wonderful attitude during this whole ordeal with his positive thoughts, sense of humor and faith in God it has made it easier for everyone to deal with the situation. For me the hardest time is when Eric is not feeling well, his attitude has been the strength that everyone has needed especially me. When he is not feeling well it reminds me of the situation and the fight that he is fighting. It is the hardest time to be strong. I continue to look to God for his strength and hope that I can be strong enough for the both of us at least for a while.

We are all excited for this Friday which will be Eric's last radiation appt. I know some needed R&R is just around the corner. Eric will have about 30 days to recover from the chemo before he has to take it again. He is most excited to get the metallic taste out of his mouth so that he can have a beer and I am sure he will be having more than one. After the 30 days he will take the chemo for 5 days and be off for 23 days. The chemo will be a higher dose so I am sure he will not be feeling well. This will last for a while and the doctor will decide what happens next based on the MRI's. Most everyone wants to know when he will get another MRI. Well they won't take another one until around the 1st of April. He has to heal from the radiation before they take a picture this way they don't get a bad reading and we have to worry for a month until the next MRI. I hope that this gives everyone a general idea of what is happening and what the future has in store.

I also what to thank all of the drivers who have given of their time to help Eric get to his appt's. It has made it possible for me to go to work and Eric has had a chance to socialize with his fellow fire fighters. So THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Hallie