All Star Game

One of the things that Eric always wanted to do was to go to the All Star Game. It was a childhood dream as I am sure it is for all young boys. For those of you who don't follow baseball this is the game that happens once a year between the American and National teams. It is packed full of fun beside the game there is the home run derby, fan fest, celebrity baseball and much more. Well the fun has already started in Anaheim as the Angles will be hosting the All Star Game this week. On Monday I will be taking Hunter and my niece to the Home run derby in honor of Eric. On Tuesday Hunter will be surprised by his Aunt with tickets to the actual game. (He is going to be so happy). Eric and I talked about it before he passed away and it was one of the request he had for me to do with Hunter. As you can imagine it is bitter sweet for me. I am happy to take Hunter and Morgan but there will be an sadness because Eric is not there physically with us. I hope that I will be able to live though Hunters total excitement and enjoy the moment for what it is worth. Knowing that Eric would have been so excited just as if he were an almost 11 year old boy. So this one is for Eric!

Hawaiian Flower Ceremony

While in Hawaii Hunter and I had the opportunity to experience a beautiful ceremony to remember Eric and his life. Our friend lead us though the tradition of throwing the flower lei's into the ocean. It was one of the most beautiful things that I have experienced. We had the chance to visit this area last year and the connection I feel to Eric there is eeire. We did not stay at the resort long last year we were only there one night while visiting the Brewer ohana but the strong feeling I had while there this time is something I can not really put into words. I have a short video which I am having trouble loading but is on facebook and some pictures to share with you and I hope that you see the specialness of the ceremony. It was truly amazing.

In addition to the ceremony I also wanted to share another strange thing that cant be explained although the Hawaiian people have a theory. While in Hawaii last year our friends gave us a flower lei and two ti leaf leis for Eric and Hunter. The ti leafs are taken from the plant and made into a long rope like necklace, they are to believed to be a plant of protection. After a few months they should turn brown because they are not alive anymore. Well when I was at our friends house I saw one of their's and it was dried and brownish. I asked if that is what it is supposed to look like and they said yeas after about 3 or 4 months. Well it has been a year and it is still green, they asked around and everyone said of course it should be brown and dried it has been almost a year. So you ask what does this mean? Well from what the beliefs are 2 thoughts, 1...it is still green because Eric is here protecting us and the green plant is a sign of his presents....2...Eric is keeping it alive...a sign that he is here and possible he has a message for us or something to tell us. I am really not sure what to believe but the one thing I know is that the green ti leaf lei should be brown and dried and brittle and it is green and flexible.

Forks and Decisions

In life we often come to a fork in the road, decisions are made and our lives can change for good or bad. It seems that the last 5 months I have had many forks in the road. Decisions had to be made which definitely changed my life. Some have been hard, some have been easy and I am still waiting on the results of most of them. This week one of the decisions I made had to be finalized. It was a very difficult thing for me to do. I had to clean out my class and pack up my stuff. It felt like I had to say goodbye to another family member. I have grown to love my kids as my own, I would do anything for them. The decision to leave my class was one that did not come easy but because of the fork in the road I was made to make a decision. On the other side of this decision is Hunter and my need to be with him during this difficult time in our lives. I know that my students will miss whatever I was able to bring to the class and hopefully my replacement can fill the void and treat them as if they are family. So as another chapter in my life changes and doors open and close I hope I made the right decision for the sake of my students, my son and for me.

God bless,

Hallie

Sleeplessness.......

What makes nights so difficult? Why does your mind always have to think just when it is time to sleep. I love to sleep but I have found that it is often difficult to sleep since Eric died, I was used to him gone at work and it is not like I never slept in the bed alone so why is this such a big deal? I know that nobody has the answer and I am really not looking for an answer....I guess it is just on of those things....the things that come from being a widow. This is one of the things that I just hate.....it is so quite and I really am tired but everything that needs to get done enters my mind and then of course I start thinking about Eric and how he just made everything better. No matter what was going on he always made the difficult stuff easier to handle. I miss him so and I wish he was here now during this 3am ranting to just make everything better....to hold me and to assure me that no matter what happens it will be ok......

PS.....at least the dog can sleep...she is sleeping in my spot...go figure.

Boy Scouts here I come....

Hunter joined cub scouts in 1st grade and we have had 5 busy years growing, having fun and making new friends. Since Eric had an odd schedule and he was more of an hotel guy, I did most of the activities (under some protest) with Hunter. During his time as a cub scout we went summer & winter camping, (we even sleep on the snow), we hiked, went to den and pack meetings, made pine wood derby cars, rockets and boats, went on go see its, did service hours just to name a few. Hunter made wonderful friends with the boys and enjoys every minute of scouts. Last month he and his den crossed over into boy scouts. They all earned the highest rank in cub scouts, Arrow of Light, and had a beautiful ceremony to celebrate. The boys all joined the same boy scout troop and have begun to participate in activities. Hunter knows that I am going to step back a bit from scouts, and let him explore scouts with support from me but not as much involvement. I love that he enjoys camping, outdoor activities, getting dirty, learning, growing and maturing. I hope he enjoys many more years of Scouts.

Mother's Day

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I had a wonderful Mother's Day with my little boy. He let me sleep in, made me coffee and brought me Krispy Kreme donuts in bed. We stayed in our P.J. until the afternoon and watched TV together. It can't get much better than that! It was a really nice day. Fortunately Mother's day has never really been a big deal for me it has always been about my mom, grandma and Eric's mom. I have spend other Mother's Day's without Eric because of his work schedule so it was not so unusual for us to be without him. So that being said this first was not as bad as it could have been. I am not looking forward to Father's Day but I have planned for us to be on vacation that day so hopefully it won't be too bad either. I hope all of you mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day....I know you all deserved it!

Love,

Hallie

All kinds of stuff

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

These are the words from a song by Kris Allen, Hunter and I like his music and we really like this song...especially since we have a different perspective on things now. I only share this with you since some time has passed and we again get suck into our daily lives and the little things we think are important turn out to be not so important in the scheme of life. So these lyrics help us to remember to say I love you and make sure that every moment counts....don't put things off and don't get so caught up in the daily little things that you forget the big things in life.

Ok, now on to some other stuff.....The BIG decision was whether I continue working or not. Those of you who know me know that I love my job and I love the students I work with. It is a rewarding job and one that I am excited to do everyday. Don't get me wrong it has it's negatives also but I did it for the kids....my kids... Well now that I am the sole caretaker of Hunter and still dealing with my own mental & physical needs I found it challenging to put my heart and sole into a job and have not a lot left over for Hunter. He has needs as well that have to get meet. So a decision had to be made work or not work. Fortunately the decision was not entirely up to me since politics and philosophy had some hand in helping make the decision. So for now I am not working and have decided to spend the time with Hunter, making sure his needs are meet and on myself. I hope that I can get back to the classroom later but only God knows the doors that will open and close for me in the future.

Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement. It is so nice to have such a big support group.

Love,

Hallie

Decisions...

One of the most difficult things about Eric not being here is how difficult decision making has become. Of course I am talking about big life changing decisions....the little ones I have under control. Even though I know what Eric would be saying, it was nice to have a sounding board and knowing that what ever advice he had for me it was always up to me to make the final call. I also knew that he would support me even if the decision was not right. I know that I can talk to friends but they will not be there to help pick up the pieces if it all goes bad....I have my parents but then I risk the "I told you so"......I also have Hunter but his advice is really only good if it involves playing baseball. So that leaves me with another void in my life one that is very obvious to me since I am faced with some big decision making. I wish I could elaborate but in time.....for now just pray that I make the right decision for myself and Hunter.

Thanks for listening,

Hallie

Happy Birthday Eric!

Well today was another first and another new tradition. For the last 24 years I celebrated Eric birthday on April 11th, and today was the first that Eric was not here for his birthday. He would have been 42 years old today. So another new first......and a new tradition...celebrating my birthday on his special day. Since he passed away on my birthday it seems impossible to celebrate my birthday knowing that was the day he died. So I took a suggestion from a friend and decide to celebrate my special day on his special day, it was not the happiest of celebration but a day for our families to get together and celebrate the life of Eric and myself. I opened up the presents and cards from my birthday and we enjoyed ice cream cake. There was no singing, candles or other festive things you would think of coming with a birthday. Growing up my birthday was always a very special day for me, being so close to Christmas my mom always made sure it was special and did not get over looked. I have to say that I enjoyed my new special day and enjoyed the company I kept. I am not sure what the future has in store for me but I know that making my special day on Eric's special day is a tradition that I will look forward to in the future. I also wanted to thank everyone who gave me cards and presents in December, I opened then today. Thank you!

Love,

Hallie

Easter

Happy Easter as it turns out this Easter has been easier than expected, I guess because it was not unusual for Eric to be working on Easter and for Hunter and I to do our own thing anyhow. So this year to help ease the sadness and begin a new tradition Hunter and I traveled to Seattle to spend Easter with my cousin Jamie and her family. She has 2 girls and it was great to see Hunter and the girls enjoy the fun of Easter morning. We went to a fantastic Brunch and all had naps! I know that Eric was with us today and I am sure enjoyed his own Easter in Heaven. I guess we have had another 1st without Eric and I am glad that we can mark it off our check list of 1st. Not sure how other 1st will go but so happy that I got though our 1st Easter.

I hope that you all had a wonderful celebration with family and friends remembering the sacrifice that was made for us in order to have this celebration.

Love to all,