That's right I am a widow.......As I reflect on what that means I am still a little unsure what exactly that means. I tried to explain it to Hunter and even that was difficult. Am I a Ms. or a Mrs.? Am I single? Do I take off my wedding ring? How to I fill out papers? What do I tell people. I still feel married, does that change? It is hard to believe that it has been almost 3 weeks. So many things go through my head about the past and the future. So many questions I ask myself hoping for some kind of answer, usually I am waiting for Eric's wisdom. Of course I guess I will just have to figure things out for myself. As I mentioned before it does seem like Eric is at work. I guess the benefit of being a firefighters wife is that I am used to being home alone with Hunter. I guess is some ways it is a blessing, other than I know I am not going to talk to him on the phone, I am used to being by myself. I know Eric is here and I do talk with him. Yesterday a penny hit my leg when I was sitting down. Pretty sure it was Eric he loved pennies. Anyhow all thing considered I feel like I am doing pretty good....except the questions that linger. It seems that Hunter is doing ok also.....I try and talk to him about Eric and I try and get him to express his feelings. At 10 it is obviously different than for a 40 year old widow.....I am sure he will struggle later when important things happen in his life. Fortunately for us he has a whole fire department that is ready to help try and make his life events memorable.
For those of you wondering I am going to keep the blog going....instead of Eric's unknown journey it is now our unknown journey. Thanks for reading and for all the support.
Lots of Love to all....
10 comments:
You can do whatever you want you are the best.I no one thing you are stong.Hope to see you soon.
Krista Cooper
I know how you are feeling about the away part. In some ways it was the best thing that I moved away. I was not used to seeing my Mom on a regularly, but I talked to her a couple times a day. So I miss the phone calls and her voice, I am sure that is how you feel. I am so sorry. I know my friend Peggy really struggled with that word. She felt she was to young to be a WIDOW. And with that word people ask questions. Some days are ok and others just bring tears. Peggy when she was ready started to wear her wedding ring on a chain around her neck. When you are ready. You do whatever when ever you feel it is right. There is no wrong or right. It is just what hurts the least. Thank you for continuing the blog. I love hearing from you or about you. Cindy Fojo
The "W" word is a hard one to say/accept. I am really OK with it now... although the word is hard for OTHER people to hear. It's interesting how you will start phrasing things to protect other people, more so than yourself.
As far as what to do with your wedding ring and the Mrs./Ms. thing, you need to do what feels right for you. If you want to wear your ring, WEAR IT. If you feel like leaving it on the dresser for a few hours... then do it. There is no "right" answer (which is really hard for the teacher in me) and always remember, grief will NEVER look the way people think it should. Only you can decide these things.
FYI - The first time I had to check the widow box on Tyler's school emergency card was a tough day.
Keep talking and encouraging Hunter. His feelings/thoughts/words are so very vital in the whole process. We talk about Dad everyday and draw pictures (since he's only 4) and speak to Dad in heaven. You'll find you answer questions that you never thought you could... or would.
I'm thinking about you!
Jackie
Hallie:
I think Jackie summed it all up pretty well. You continue to amaze me and you're right...you have an entire fire department family here to support you. Enjoy the good days and look for support on the bad. We all are thinking about you and Hunter. I'm so glad you are going to continue the blog. We look forward to your updates. :-)
Much love,
Liz Miller
Thank you for continuing the blog, Hallie. Once again, your strength and perseverance amaze us. We both wanted to be at Eric's services so much and regret that we were unable. Cherish the memories of your time together and stay true to Hunter and most everything should eventually work itself out. We love you!
I love the new title, it's perfect. Also thank you for keeping the blog open and Eric's Facebook. It's not only therapy for you but for all of us. I like that I can go to his page and talk to him.
Love, Jamie
Hi Hallie,
I can guess you can wear your wedding ring for a long time. There is no rush for fast change. Right now it is a time of cherishing memories and moving as fast as you want to move.
I love you! Remember, Eric loved Oingo Boingo!
oxxo, Koreen
Thank you for keeping the blog. I know I have only met you and Eric once but for some reason, there was such a feeling of compassion when I met you two. So I come back here every few days to see how you are doing and I can see there truly are so many things to think about being a....Widow. You put everything down (or blog) in such a way, I feel I can really understand what you're going through. Well, at least try to understand. Wishing you and Hunter well.
Hi Hallie, My name is Diana, A friend of Melinda,We spoke briefly this week. Your blog hit home for me, I feel in my heart like I will always be Mrs, Richard Robert, WE have been blessed to experience a love that most will never know. This is what will carry you through the darkest times. Please call me day or night. I know God has intertwined our lives for a reason.
I don't know you. I don't know Hunter. And most of all, I didn't know Eric.
I just stumbled across your blog, or actually, Eric's.
And I respect you. For how you cope (and sometimes probably very NOT cope), how you take care of Hunter, which must be a hell of a job, and how you keep your love for Eric alive and lively.
Follow your heart.
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