Our 1st Year without you!

It is hard to believe that a year ago today we were saying goodbye to Eric forever. I often wondered how I would survive without him at my side, I mean I knew this day would come and I really was not sure how I was going to manage life without my soul mate. As I reflect on this last year I am thankful that not only did I survive but I grew and have become a new me. I have only Eric to thank for that even through he is not here I am who I am today because of him. All though his life and illness he had a unwavering zest for life, a positive attitude, a smile, a faith in God and a "it is what is is attitude". I was able to grow with him from a young age and learn to have some of these same traits. It is because of his attitude about life and death that I am surviving today and to that I am thankful.

This year has brought it's ups and downs which was to be expected. We had a lot of firsts and we did new things to create new traditions. There were times when I thought the pain in my heart would never stop aching and then there were times when I felt a relief of this pain and wondered how could this be? Many times though out the year I thought wow I can't believe this is my life, how could this happen to me, what should I do now? But with the words I know Eric would be saying I was able to get though each minute, hour, day and now weeks with a positive attitude and a strength I never knew I had. I know that this grieving process is a roller coaster of emotions and I will continue to have my ups and downs but I know now that I can survive, I can get through and I can do anything.

I know that losing my soulmate was something that I never imigined would happen but I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to know that kind of love, to share in something so special, something that many people never find in a lifetime. I am lucky to have friends and family who have been here each step of the way and will continue to walk this unknown journey with me supporting me and helping me get through each day, week, month and now years. I am thankful to have made new friends who are willing to walk with me even with the sadness that may pop up now and again. I am thankful that even though I have had this devastation in my life I have been able to put some of the pieces of my life back and will continue to grow though this loss.

To Eric, I will always love you and can never thank you enough for being you and helping me become me. You were truly a blessing in so many lives and made a difference each and everyday. You are missed more than words can say but because of your strength and faith we are making the most of each day and will continue to live by your example.

Love,

Hallie

Getting Though!

Well I am officially on the count down to that horrid day, while most people are counting down to Christmas my countdown is a bitter sweet countdown. I mean Hunter and I seem to had made it almost to the year and we seem to be moving forward in a positive direction. On the other hand I can hardly believe it has been a year since Eric died. The year has gone by so fast and so much has happened. Holiday's, vacations, baby's have been born, birthday's and much more, it seems as life continues to go on whether or not you are wanting it to. So as I prepare myself for the approaching holidays and the anniversary I am going to continue to look for strength in God and pray that the next 2 weeks will go by as fast as the rest of the year.

Matthew 6:34

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Today's troubles is enough for today"

Love,

Hallie

Disneyland......another 1st....

Well today Hunter and I went to Disneyland with some friends, another 1st without Eric. It was the 1st time we have gone without Eric, we used to go all the time. Last year in November we went and spent a few days while Eric was still able, he always wanted to stay at the Grand Californian so we made a big deal of our trip. It was his last vacation and ours with him. The memories were great and I am so glad that we had the opportunity to make such great memories. Today's trip was also wonderful spending the day with Hunter and friends but it was hard not to think about all the good times we had spent there as a family. It seems that no matter where we turned I remembered something about us as a family and the fun we always had while there. It was a difficult day but at the same time I was happy to be spending the day with Hunter and watching the joy in his eyes. Another turning point for us, doing things as a family, our new family. As I watched the fireworks I wondered if Eric was watching from above and if they looked the same for him or if there were even more spectacular from Heaven. Funny how my thoughts on the fireworks were so different than before, I guess that happens alot when I do things for the 1st time. I am happy that I was able to get though another 1st and maybe the next trip to Disneyland will be even better and easier.