Hey Mom!

HUNTER: "Hey Mom do we have a sander?"

ME: Yes but why? No answer

ME: Do you mean sand paper?

HUNTER: No a answer

ME: What for?

HUNTER: "Come down here..."

ME: Oh this can't be good

So I go down stairs to see what could Hunter possible want the sander for......oh the wall!!!!! Well he wrote on the wall and thought he could just sand it off. I tried to explain that if he tried to use the sander on the wall it would make a big hole. The walls are not wood. So Mr. Clean Magic Eraser was a much better solution.

Problem solved......just thought I'd share.

Spring Baseball

Hey everyone sorry it has been so long since my last post. I am going to keep it light today and know that each day is a new day some are good and some just really suck.

Well most of you realize that Hunter is a lover of baseball and since the weather is warmer it is obvious that it is that time of year again. Hunter is playing ball and having a good time. He is on a great team with a great coaching staff, we are really lucky. We also started the watching of ball with the Angles. Last weekend we went to Tempe and watched the Angels play against the Mariners. I won't comment on the game but lets just say we had a good time anyhow, at least it is only spring training and I am sure it is not a refection of whats to come.....Right? So we got tot he field by 10am Hunter was not going to be a minute late.....we watched the minor league at batting practice.....then the major players. Hunter was handed 3 balls from various players, he was so excited. He used these balls to get his signatures. Now he could tell you all the players but I don't remember there names but the pictures you see are with Mickey Hatcher, Brandon Wood & Reggie Willits. After the practice we watched a 4 1/2 hour game! Then we had dinner and meet a few members of the team. On Monday we toured the Diamond Back field, this was our 4th stadium tour only 26 more to go.....It was a great way to spend the weekend with Hunter.

Since we were in Arizona we also saw Eric's family which was nice and good for everyone.

Hugs

As many of you know Eric had wonderful hugs, someone told me the other day that when Eric hugged you you knew that it was a pure hug from the heart. Of course I had all different kids of hugs from him so when I was asked if I felt the same way I said "I don't know"......his hugs were great but I was also in love with him. I knew that he gave great hugs because he hugged everybody and he always hugged with passion. You just knew from peoples reactions that it was a great hug......not in a creepy hold on too long uncomfortable way. It was not too hard it was not wimpy, it was a pure hug from the heart. Eric would call these "A" hugs.......this started with our niece Morgan. So you ask what is the point of all this...does it really matter what kind of hugs he gave. Well the answer is of course yes for obvious reasons but really the message I want to get out is to hug. I am sure some of you are huggers by nature and some of you never hug. What if you never gave or received hug? What if something awful happened and you did not get in that last hug? What if someone just needed a hug to help them get though their day? What if that person was you? I am sure it is important to be remembered in many ways after you are no longer here on earth but what a great way for my Eric to be remember......not only as a kind and wonderful man, a good advise giver but as a great hugger. So the next time you give a hug make sure it is an "A" hug. And remember to hug often!

Love and HUGS!!!

Hallie

Widow's Grief

I found this post on another blog, which she had found on yet another blog so I cannot give the author credit. When I read it I new it was just what I wanted to say. So thank you to the unknown author........

Widow's Grief

I wish my husband hadn't died. I wish I had him back

Please don't be afraid to speak my husband's name. My husband lived and was very important to me. I appreciate hearing that he was important to you as well.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my husband, know that it isn't because you have hurt me. My husband 's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my husband, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

Please don't feel you need to remove his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home. They are a reminder that he lived and loved. They don't make me sad. The fact that he's dead makes me sad. I love to see pictures of him and things he was a part of.

Being a bereaved wife is not contagious, so please don't shy away from me. I need you more than ever. But sometimes I'm not going to be very fun to be around, or I'm not going to accept your invitation. Please don't give up on me and accept me for being able to do what I can cope with at the time. Just because I've said no to the past four invitations doesn't mean I'm going to say no to the next one. I appreciate you patience with me.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I appreciate it if you let me talk about my husband, my favorite topic of the day.

I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my husband's death pains you, too. Please feel free to let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.

Please don't expect my grief to be over in this first year. These first few months have traumatic for me, but I need you to understand that my grief will never be over. I will always miss my husband, and I will always grieve that he is dead. I will suffer the death of my husband until the day I die.

Please don't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". I always think about him and happiness is something that I can't just make happen, so don't frustrate yourself. On days when I seem happy or seem not to be thinking about it, know that some bereaved wives are Academy Award winning actresses. And even if I'm genuinely happy, I'm still thinking about him every second of every day and wishing he was here.

I don't want to have a "pity party," but I hope you will let me grieve in the way I need to. I must hurt before I can heal. I will let you know what I need and I'd appreciate it if you just accept whatever it is. I'm working really hard on honoring and feeling my grief, so I heal as well as possible. And know that as I'm healing, large scars are being formed on my heart.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say, "I'm doing okay," I hope you understand that I don't always feel okay and that I struggle daily with this new reality.

I have many new areas in my life that I'm now solely responsible for, plus grieving the loss of my love, and some days, many days, that is overwhelming. When I became a Mom, I knew that my marriage would always remain, that I'd never be a single parent because of divorce. I never thought about being a single parent because of death. It is so hard to just be the only parent and hold down a full time job, without even adding the overwhelming burden of the grief we all feel. Thank you for your support of my family. We need it now more than ever.

I want you to know that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

I'm not only taking my life one day at a time, but one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Please be patient with me.

Grief changes people. When my husband died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my husband died, and I will never be that person again. Please don't look for her. She's not coming back.

I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.