Love,
Hallie
Total Mass Confusion~
9 years ago
Thursday, February 18, 2010
What Dead is Forever.........
Ok really I know the answer to this statement......but REALLY I am so over it. I am ready for Eric to come home and take care of stuff. I really don't like handling everything, dead car batteries, tax season, paying bills, handling Hunters emotional issues (Eric was really much better at these things than I am). I just need Eric to come and tell me what to do and give me his advice. I have had enough of him being gone. As I was talking with his mom we realized that as the days pass it is not getting easier...it is actually getting harder. We are all ready for him to return and since we know he is not the harsh reality of what is actually happening is hitting home. It really just sinks and I feel like half of who I am is gone. I have always been a very independent type person but at the end of the day I always relied on Eric to be the man and take care of all the stuff. To take care of the family, to make the decisions that needed to be made and to provide me with the advice that would help me make the right decisions in life. Sometimes you just don't realize how much your better half does until you are left to it all on your own. All I know it this is getting old and I am ready for Eric to return. I hope as time passes this harsh reality will be a little less painful.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I think of you often Hallie. You are in my thoughts and just know that you are loved by many. XO Patty
Thinking of you and wishing we had some magic mojo to make it easier for you.
Hallie,
Just leting you know you and Hunter will always remain in my thoughts and prayers. Keep putting one foot forward and rely on your faith, family and friends. I can not imagine all the challenges you have to face, but I know you will face them with the same grace and honesty you have everything so far. Take care.
Trina Pina
It takes a while for that "waiting" to go away. I so hated the dead battery, the flat tire, me making all of the decisions--what if I were wrong. It does STINK!!! But, while it doesn't get easier, you will develop that routine in your life when each new thing doesn't throw you into a tailspin. You are half or who you were, and slowly, oh so very slowly, you will become one again. It's like having an arm amputated. You still feel that it is there and know that it's not, but eventually you see and understand that it is gone and make those adjustments. Be prepared, at times it may be even harder, but the harder it is, the more you are learning. Remember, the same heat that melts butter cures and strengthens steel. You are the butter right now. And some day when you look back, you will see that you are building a little bit more of yourself. And then, someday you will be able to face all of the things--still hating that Eric is gone, but realizing that you CAN do it. You don't want to do it, but you can.
Love to you always,
LCS
Wow! I just read this post and I said some of the exact words to myself not too long ago. My husband passed away in October and I'm ready for him to come back, as well. It just completely stinks and yes, it does feel harder now than, say the month immediately after. People keep saying it gets easier, really? Interesting...
Jenn (dings3@linkline.com)
Post a Comment