Well it has been six weeks today since Eric passed away. It is amazing how easy it is for me to keep tract of time, as each week passes. In my old normal life I would never be able to tell you how many weeks it had been since anything. As you can tell from the title I have a few 1st to discuss, things I did not think would be difficult. Last week I took Eric's car in for servicing, those of you who know Eric knew he loved his car. I only ever went with him to drive him home. All the people know him and knew the situation. I thought to myself this will be fine and it was all good until they asked what kind of oil I wanted in the car. The tears just started coming, I felt bad for the guy helping me I am sure it is not a usual reaction to a relatively easy question. Anyhow I did survive but just a little surprised. The other thing that has taken be by surprise is how difficult it has been to be with Eric's family. Since the funeral I have had one birthday party and this weekend I am in Arizona with Eric's family and sister April. You would think that after 24 years it would be like visiting my family. It's not that I am uncomfortable it's just another reminder that Eric is not here. I suppose it is the same for them seeing Hunter and myself with out Eric. When we talk about stories, reminisce about the days of past and even the silliness and laughter that comes with his family I can't help but to think about him and miss his presence. I just did not think that this was going to be as difficult as it has been. I know as with anything as time goes by it will be easier and the laughter and stories will be a way for Hunter and I to remember Eric without any sadness. I know that this year there will be alot of 1st, some of them I feel that I am prepared for and others I know will catch me off guard. With Valentine's day approaching many of you are thinking this may be difficult because it is a 1st and it is the day of Love. I am hoping that the day will go by as any other because everyday with Eric was Valentine's Day. We never really made a big fuss about what we called a "Hallmark Holiday" I think it should be fine but I could be caught off guard. I guess I won't know until it happens.
Until next time,
Lot's of Love
Hallie
Total Mass Confusion~
9 years ago
6 comments:
You're so brave and reading your posts has made me appreciate my husband so much. (he's also a RFD firefighter) Sending you my thoughts and prayers. :)
I have found that it is the small, seemingly insignificant things that trigger my pain. I think I am more prepared for the major holidays and other life events. There is nothing like that surprised slap of grief in the face when you least expect it. I also had trouble being around my husband's family in the beginning...specifically being at his parents house. In time, that passed. Thinking of you...Wendy
Hallie,
you continue to amaze me...thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and feeling with us...you help us all to remember what should be important in our lives..love you for that!!!
Kim
Hallie,
You should be so proud! I am amazed at what strength you continue to pull from. You inspire me. Thank you for continuing to allow us into your lives.
Love to you and Hunter,
Liz Miller
Thank you for taking the time to blog. I am thinking about you. I know it feels like you are the only person missing him and counting the days. I feel that way about my Mom too! It is the craziest things that catch you off guard. I have a very hard time going to Hallmark. Every time I go I want to start crying and yelling out the store. It is like all I can see is the Mom section for every holiday and birthdays. All I can think about is how I don't have a Mom. Hug to you! I know it is the little things that are hard. The things you don't expect. It is hard for me to be with my family too! I too feel the big hole in the room. It has gotten better, but I still cry every time. I hope every day your heart heals just a little. I am glad you are blogging and getting your feelings out. I am sending prayers your way to stay strong :-)
Cindy Fojo
Wow! again, yes, so similar... I have a hard time being with his parents... he's supposed to be here too, spending time with them and me.
Jenn
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